Mantra #7: I Choose to Focus on the Good

A mantra to shift your thoughts from negative to positive

I grew up in a culture where women worried, and men gave them plenty to worry about.

My early view of the world was shaped by an environment of gloom and doom, but in my twenties, I stumbled upon Norman Vincent Peale’s book The Power of Positive Thinking. I didn’t know it then, but that book would become a turning point.

As I read it, I felt something inside me shift. For the first time, I realized I had a choice in how I saw the world, and myself in it. I didn’t have to inherit the gloom-and-doom mindset I’d grown up with. I could choose how I saw the world — and myself. That single shift revealed possibilities I had never imagined.

I wanted to share this new way of thinking with everyone I loved, but I quickly learned something important: people often become comfortable in their misery. Complaining feels easier than changing.

I learned that our thoughts act like magnets. They attract people who reinforce either a negative or positive worldview. I began drawing in people with the mindset I wanted to develop. Over time, focusing on the good became automatic.

Choosing to focus on the good doesn’t mean pretending life is perfect. It means refusing to let the hard moments define the whole story. It’s a proactive mindset—one that seeks solutions instead of spiraling into fear or frustration. It’s a choice you have to make over and over until it becomes your way of seeing your world.

This shift strengthens your mental health, deepens your relationships, and builds resilience. When challenges come, you’re better able to cope because you’re grounded in what’s still true, still working, still meaningful.

This mindset also influenced my leadership style. When I was a senior manager at a large consulting firm, I often had underperforming employees assigned to me. Within months, many of them became top performers. The main difference was focus.

We spent more time emphasizing and developing strengths wherever possible instead of weaknesses. As their confidence increased, so did their performance. It feels much better to excel with your strengths rather than be weighed down by weaknesses.

Reflect on your own career. Haven’t you been happier in roles where you could excel at what you do? When you focus on improving your weaknesses, you might only become average. But when you concentrate on developing your strengths, you can become exceptional.

The same is true in our personal relationships. Our children, surrounded by so much negativity, need to learn how to find the good. Our spouses need to feel appreciated for what they do right, not just what irritates us. In those moments when criticism comes more easily than praise, this mantra becomes a lifeline: I choose to focus on the good.

What you focus on becomes your reality. The world might sometimes be chaotic, unfair, or overwhelming, but you still have the power to choose your perspective. When you intentionally seek out the good — in yourself, in others, and in your life — you invite more of it in.

So next time your mind drifts to what’s bad, pause and ask yourself: What’s good here? What’s still working? What deserves my attention? You might be surprised by how much good is already present — waiting to be noticed.

Mantra #5: I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision

A Mantra that gives you power over indecisiveness

There’s a voice inside you that whispers all day long: “This feels right.” or “Nope, absolutely not.”
And then there’s the other voice — the one that says, “But they’re an expert, or they know what’s best for me. And what will THEY think if I don’t follow their advice?”

Guess which one usually gets us into trouble.

No teacher, parent, friend, or expert can know what’s right for your life better than you — but we often forget that and let others decide for us.

We make choices every day — some small, some life‑changing. Some turn out beautifully, and some… not so much. Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern:

My best choices came from trusting myself, but my worst ones happened when I depended more on others’ advice than my own intuition.

Let me share a few examples.

When I was about to become a new mom, I traded my 1966 red Mustang for a Pinto station wagon because everyone said it was the “responsible” choice for a mom. Bad decision. I regretted it every single day. That car would be worth over $50,000 today.

Then there was the time I moved my successful business to a new location because the “business experts” said it was a smart move. My gut told me no, but I went along with them anyway. Those of you who’ve read my book know it as my “mistake on the lake.” It was exactly that—a mistake. A very costly one.

But here’s the fun part: the decisions everyone else thought were terrible turned out to be some of the best of my life.

I chose a contract on the East Coast instead of one near my home on the West Coast because it felt right. The West Coast project was longer and required no travel, but I had a strong feeling I was meant to be on the East Coast. People thought I’d lost my mind, but that contract on the East Coast lasted three years—and I met my husband. It was a good decision.

I made another smart decision seventeen years ago when I bought a house on the lake in Nashville. Friends and family questioned everything: the size, the distance, the cost, my sanity. I knew I would keep living in Sausalito until I semi-retired, but I felt strongly that buying the house was a good choice.

I split my time between Nashville and Sausalito for ten years, and now I live in my lake house, which has more than tripled in value. Another smart decision, based on what felt right for me rather than what others said was right.

So yes, there’s a pattern: my inner voice has a better track record than “they” do.

Trusting yourself is an act of courage. It means taking responsibility for your life, rather than outsourcing your choices to people who don’t have to live with the consequences.

Decision making is a skill, and like any skill, it gets better with practice. Here are five steps that help you build trust and confidence in your ability to make the best decision for yourself.

1. Prioritize

We can feel overwhelmed by the decisions we believe we must make now, but not every decision needs to be made today, and some might not even need to be made this month. A good decision often eliminates several unnecessary ones. Focus on the decisions you see as critical and that you have enough information to make.

2. Own the Decision

When you’re unsure, it’s tempting to turn your decision into a group project by asking everyone what you should do or what they would choose. But remember, people give you advice based on who they think you are — not who you’re going to be. And they don’t have to live with the outcome. You do.

3. Define the Outcome

What does success look like?
And please — visualize the best outcome, not a disaster movie version. If you’re choosing between two cities, envision yourself living in each. Walk the neighborhood in your mind. Try out life in each one. Which feels right? Which supports the life you want to experience?

4. Know Your Risk Tolerance

Are you more comfortable taking a big leap or small steps? What’s the realistic downside? How can you minimize it? Think about the risks you’ve taken before — the ones that brought you here. You’ve survived 100% of your decisions so far. It’s time to trust yourself and step out of your comfort zone. Life has a way of working out. Even if you make the wrong choice, you can adjust.

5. Look Backward to Move Forward

What would your current self tell the “you” from ten years ago when you were struggling to make an overwhelming decision? Would you tell your younger self, “Don’t worry about it.” Everything will turn out great.”

Now imagine your future self speaking to you today. Would they say, “Go for it — this decision will be the best you’ve ever made, and you’ll regret not taking the risk?” That perspective often provides the clarity you need to move forward.

Someone once told me to flip a coin when I’m torn. Assign a choice to each side of the coin. If it lands on heads and your first thought is, “Best two out of three,” congratulations — you already know what you want. The decision isn’t the problem. Not trusting yourself is

As a child, you lived with the consequences of choices made by others. As an adult, you have the power to choose for yourself. The question is whether you’re still letting others make choices for you — or if you’re ready to trust yourself to build the life you want.

Let this be your mantra, “I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision” – and your compass — guiding you toward the life you desire.

Something to think about

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Mantra #4: I Am Creating A Beautiful Life

A mantra for rebuilding, reimagining, and reinventing your life—
one choice at a time.

There are times when life falls apart—when the job ends, the relationship is over, and the future you expected fades away. I’ve experienced those moments too, looking at a life that no longer matched the one I had expected.

In those moments, repeating “I am creating a beautiful life” gave me hope. Not because anything felt beautiful, but because I needed to remember that beauty can be rebuilt. That I could begin again. That I could create something new, one choice at a time. And, I did.

This mantra isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about remembering your power to create something meaningful, even in the middle of uncertainty or loss.

A beautiful life rarely arrives fully formed. It’s built—often in the middle of days that feel anything but beautiful. It grows from the choices you make about how you spend your time, who you allow in your life, and what you give your energy to.

When life feels confusing or unsteady, this mantra becomes an anchor. Those moments may feel like endings, but they’re also opportunities to design your life from the inside out.

In those moments you tell yourself: “I am creating a beautiful life. Not someday. Not when everything is perfect. Now.”

What is a beautiful life?

There’s no universal definition. Each of us must decide what beauty means in our own lives. But it helps to begin with the pieces that shape your everyday experience.

1. Your environment

Your surroundings influence how you feel. For me, a beautiful environment is the lake outside my window—water, trees, sky. I need nature. I need color. I need reminders that the world is bigger than whatever I’m worrying about.

Your version may look different:

  • A cozy apartment filled with plants
  • A high-rise view that glows at night
  • A tiny home tucked in the woods
  • A kitchen that smells like coffee and possibility

Ask yourself: What do I want to see when I wake up?  How do I want to feel? What surroundings help me breathe easier? What fills me with gratitude?

If your current environment is anything but beautiful, think about improvements you can make. Just adding plants, a vase of flowers, and a little color can make a big difference.

2. The people you choose to be around

A beautiful life is supported by beautiful relationships—not perfect people, but people who help you grow.

I’ve learned to limit time with chronic complainers, not because I don’t want to help, but because negativity spreads quickly. So does hope. So does courage. So does joy. And those feel so much better.

Consider the people in your life:

  • Who lifts you up?
  • Who drains you?
  • Who believes in your dreams?
  • Who makes you feel small?

A beautiful life is built with people who support your goals—not those who question your sanity when you talk about your dreams.

3. How you spend your time

Time is your most valuable resource . How you use it determines your direction.

An important question to ask yourself is “When was the last time I did something for the first time?”

A beautiful life isn’t lived on autopilot. It’s shaped by curiosity, courage, the willingness to imagine something better for yourself—and to try something new, even if you’re not good at it yet. Especially then.

Trying new things reminds you that you are still growing, still capable, and still becoming. It also allows you to connect with new people who might be better suited to be part of the life you want to create.

A beautiful life begins with one belief

You deserve the best life has to offer. You don’t have to settle. You have the power to shape your future. Don’t hand that power to others by living to please them. You’re the one who lives with the results of your choices—so choose the ones that lead you toward the life you want to create.

A beautiful life isn’t something you find. It’s something you build—with intention, courage, and a deep belief that you deserve more than just surviving.

So when doubt creeps in, or the path feels unclear, return to this mantra. Let it remind you that you’re not waiting for beauty—you’re creating it.

I am creating a beautiful life. And every day, in ways big and small, you already are.

THE MANTRA SERIES: MANTRA #3

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Soaring With Your Strengths: Sometimes Even Eagles Need a Push!

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

Helen Keller

I’ve read many versions of the fable about an eagle who thought he was a chicken and have been unable to find the original source.  Dr. Eldon Taylor, author of “Choices and Illusions,” Has an inspiring U-Tube video about the fable that can serve as a “pick-me-up” if you’re having a day when you don’t feel capable of soaring.

I love this story because I believe it illustrates how our life is either limited or expanded by both our day-to-day environment and the limiting beliefs we hold about who we are capable of becoming.

The fable also shows how one individual, who sees the potential we cannot see for ourselves, can provide the push we need to become what we’ve always been capable of being.

I included the story in my book: Defining Moments: Seizing the Power of Second Chances to Create the Life You Desire,” and am sharing below in hopes that it will provide the “lift” you may need to soar.

Continue reading “Soaring With Your Strengths: Sometimes Even Eagles Need a Push!”

Wake Up Rip Van Winkle

There are moments when I feel like Rip Van Winkle waking up from a long winter’s nap and questioning if COVID really happened or was it only a bad dream?

How could something come along so quickly that threatened our lives and livelihood, caused us to question if we would ever feel safe again, force us to make changes we didn’t choose, and then appear to leave us just as quickly?

Is it true that one minute I was on a cruise ship sailing around Australia, and the next I was scrambling to jump on the last flight out as Australia completely closed down and praying to get home before all US flights were grounded?

Did my husband and I really not go out of our house for months only to contact COVID from our four-year-old granddaughter and survive, when so many our age didn’t?

Continue reading “Wake Up Rip Van Winkle”

Riding the Roller Coaster of Unexpected Change — Part I

The Transitions Curve Model is commonly used to illustrate the different phases –and emotions- we experience as we move through the transition process that is triggered by change.

Change is an event.  Transition is the process of adapting to what is different because of the change.


Transition is triggered by an ending.  Something we once had we no longer do. A way of living, thinking, and/or feeling has changed – and changed us in the process.


This may or may not be a change for the better. If we didn’t choose to make the change, we aren’t likely to believe it is a good change. But, even when we choose to change, there is still no guarantee that the choice we’ve made will bring us what we expected. Either way, we still experience a time of transition until we accept what has ended and embrace what is new.

Continue reading “Riding the Roller Coaster of Unexpected Change — Part I”

Riding the Roller Coaster of Unexpected Change — Part II

From the moment you realize change is inevitable to the moment you begin to feel comfortable again, you experience an in-between and uncomfortable time of transition. For a time, you’re carrying both the weight of the past and uncertainty about the future. It may feel like a huge stone tied to your back, making it difficult to move forward.  


There will be moments when you feel exhilarated about new opportunities change creates. And then, there will be moments filled with fear about what lies before you that makes it difficult to keep going.


As you begin walking a different path, you will likely encounter obstacles to overcome, barriers to breakthrough and challenges that could make you consider running back to the world you left behind. But, there is no ‘going back’ to go back to. Every change you experience changes you. You are not the person you use to be and you are not yet the person you have the potential to become.


There are actions you can take during this in-between time to make your roller coaster ride through transition triggered by unexpected change a little smoother:

Continue reading “Riding the Roller Coaster of Unexpected Change — Part II”

A Manager’s Guide to Managing Change: Checklist for Success (Step III)

Effectively Engaging Stakeholders  

The third step on the path to success is to effectively engage stakeholders. A stakeholder is anyone who will experience change because of your project or who has the ability to influence the outcome of your project.  The keywords here are impact and influence.

The Impact Assessment, described in Step 2, is a tool to identify the type and degree of change and the areas and individuals affected. You can identify the high influence stakeholders by asking who has the power – whether formal or informal – to prevent your project from achieving success. Your Stakeholder Engagement Plan established the timeline, defines key objectives and describes the approach to involving the high impact/high influence stakeholders throughout the project.

Communication alone is not sufficient to achieve the level of support and preparation high impact/high influence stakeholders require for your project to be successful. Engaging the right stakeholders at the right time in the right way creates an opportunity for them to take ownership of the outcome.  They become part of what is happening instead of an observer or a victim of what will be different. We are less likely to resist what we have a voice in creating.

Continue reading “A Manager’s Guide to Managing Change: Checklist for Success (Step III)”

Changing The Way, You Think About You: How to Rethink Your Way To A Happier Life

by Rita Burgett-Martell

Here’s a quiz to help you identify behaviors that may be undermining your self-confidence and preventing you from living the life you desire. Respond with a simple “yes” or “no” answer to each statement and then tally up the number of yeses.  

1.       I often compare myself to others.

2.       I make decisions based on what others tell me I should do.

3.       I would have to honestly say I sometimes take my family for granted.

4.       I find myself thinking more about the past or worrying more about the future instead of focusing on what’s happening in the present moment.

5.       I often give up on my goals when things aren’t going my way.

6.       I believe that if I do something less than perfectly, I’ve failed.

7.       I play it safe. Taking risks is not for me.

8.       I sometimes believe I will never fall in love, and if I do it won’t last.

9.       I used to dream about the life I wanted, but not anymore. Dreams are a waste of time.

10.   I’m always rushing to get things done and seldom have time to “smell the roses.”

Did you respond with “yes – that describes me” – to more than 2 or 3?   It’s ok if you did because there’s no pass or fail.  The purpose of the quiz is to increase your awareness of thoughts and behaviors you can change that will make a positive difference in how you see yourself and react to those around you. 

The quiz is based on one of my favorite poems by Nancye Sims called “A Creed to Live By.” I’m including it below, followed by a modified version that exams each statement and thoughts triggered for me that changed my thinking and put me on the path to experience a more fulfilling life.  I hope they will help you as well.

Continue reading “Changing The Way, You Think About You: How to Rethink Your Way To A Happier Life”