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Mantra #7: I Choose to Focus on the Good

A mantra to shift your thoughts from negative to positive

I grew up in a culture where women worried, and men gave them plenty to worry about.

My early view of the world was shaped by an environment of gloom and doom, but in my twenties, I stumbled upon Norman Vincent Peale’s book The Power of Positive Thinking. I didn’t know it then, but that book would become a turning point.

As I read it, I felt something inside me shift. For the first time, I realized I had a choice in how I saw the world, and myself in it. I didn’t have to inherit the gloom-and-doom mindset I’d grown up with. I could choose how I saw the world — and myself. That single shift revealed possibilities I had never imagined.

I wanted to share this new way of thinking with everyone I loved, but I quickly learned something important: people often become comfortable in their misery. Complaining feels easier than changing.

I learned that our thoughts act like magnets. They attract people who reinforce either a negative or positive worldview. I began drawing in people with the mindset I wanted to develop. Over time, focusing on the good became automatic.

Choosing to focus on the good doesn’t mean pretending life is perfect. It means refusing to let the hard moments define the whole story. It’s a proactive mindset—one that seeks solutions instead of spiraling into fear or frustration. It’s a choice you have to make over and over until it becomes your way of seeing your world.

This shift strengthens your mental health, deepens your relationships, and builds resilience. When challenges come, you’re better able to cope because you’re grounded in what’s still true, still working, still meaningful.

This mindset also influenced my leadership style. When I was a senior manager at a large consulting firm, I often had underperforming employees assigned to me. Within months, many of them became top performers. The main difference was focus.

We spent more time emphasizing and developing strengths wherever possible instead of weaknesses. As their confidence increased, so did their performance. It feels much better to excel with your strengths rather than be weighed down by weaknesses.

Reflect on your own career. Haven’t you been happier in roles where you could excel at what you do? When you focus on improving your weaknesses, you might only become average. But when you concentrate on developing your strengths, you can become exceptional.

The same is true in our personal relationships. Our children, surrounded by so much negativity, need to learn how to find the good. Our spouses need to feel appreciated for what they do right, not just what irritates us. In those moments when criticism comes more easily than praise, this mantra becomes a lifeline: I choose to focus on the good.

What you focus on becomes your reality. The world might sometimes be chaotic, unfair, or overwhelming, but you still have the power to choose your perspective. When you intentionally seek out the good — in yourself, in others, and in your life — you invite more of it in.

So next time your mind drifts to what’s bad, pause and ask yourself: What’s good here? What’s still working? What deserves my attention? You might be surprised by how much good is already present — waiting to be noticed.

Mantra #6: I Let Go of What I Cannot Control

A mantra to help you take charge of your life and let others take charge of theirs.

Let’s be honest: most of us spend way too much energy trying to control things we simply can’t. And often, “things” means “people.” We don’t call it control, of course. We call it helping, guiding, supporting, or advising. But if we’re really honest, a lot of it is us trying to steer someone else’s life so we can feel more at ease in our own.

A large part of the problem is confusing influence with control. You might influence many things, but you only control a few, and none of those involve another adult’s decisions. Understanding this difference can make life feel much lighter.

The biggest drain on our energy isn’t the hard things we can control but trying to control what we want to control but can’t. That’s where we lose hours of sleep, peace, and sanity.

If you’re a parent, you know this feeling well. Watching your child make a choice you think is wrong is incredibly difficult. Everything in you wants to step in, redirect, fix, or at least “strongly suggest” an alternative. But they’re just looking for support, and we often can’t provide it because we disagree with their decision.

And sometimes we don’t even realize we’re being controlling. We think we’re being loving. We believe we’re sharing our wisdom about mistakes we’ve made and don’t want them to repeat.

But beneath the advice and the “I just want what’s best for you,” there is fear—fear they’ll get hurt, fear they’ll drift away, fear that if they choose differently, we’ll lose our connection to them. If we can convince them we always know best, maybe they’ll keep coming back.

But that’s not love. It’s an attempt to control. And it’s not good for them or for us.

Letting go of what you can’t control isn’t giving up. It’s showing trust that they will make the best decision and will learn from it if they don’t. It’s choosing to direct your energy toward what truly matters: your own choices, actions, and life.

This is when repeating the mantra: “I let go of what I cannot control.” helps.

And it’s not just about parenting. Ask yourself, “What do I keep replaying in my head?” That question reveals where you’re trying to control what can’t be controlled — a text that never arrived, a job that feels uncertain, a family situation that triggers old fears, an event you’re responsible for that you believe will fall apart unless you hold everything together.

You feel out of control, and feeling out of control doesn’t feel good, so you try to take control by worrying about an outcome you can’t control.

Worry intensifies in the unknown. It causes you to focus solely on the worst possible outcome. This is when repeating the mantra “I let go of what I cannot control” helps create space to focus on what you can control. When you turn a vague fear into a small, clear step, you regain control. One tiny action can pull you out of rumination and reconnect you with your life.

Here’s a simple way to handle that. Choose one situation that’s been occupying your mind. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left, write “Things I can do.” On the right, write “Things outside my control.” Then list at least three items on each side.

If you’re stressed about a work project, the left side might include “plan my next step,” “ask for clarity,” or “stop doing work that isn’t mine because I’m afraid it won’t be done right.” The right side might include “other people’s reactions,” “what they’ll think,” or “what’s going to happen next.”

Once you see it on paper, something shifts. Your mind stops spinning. You can feel where your energy truly belongs. And you can sense where it’s been wasted.

What are you replaying in your mind, and what is it trying to teach you about letting go?

You don’t have to carry what was never yours. You don’t have to fix what isn’t broken. You don’t have to hold together what belongs in someone else’s hands. Your life becomes lighter the moment you let go of what you can’t control — and focus on what you actually can.

Letting go isn’t a weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s the moment you stop trying to manage the world and start choosing the part of it that’s yours. And that’s where your real power lives.

Ask yourself which part of your life would feel lighter if you stopped trying to hold onto what was never meant to be yours to control.

Try repeating the mantra, “I let go of what I cannot control,” this week when you’re trying to control what you can’t and see if you don’t start to feel calmer and less stressed.

Something to think about.

Mantra #5: I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision

A Mantra that gives you power over indecisiveness

There’s a voice inside you that whispers all day long: “This feels right.” or “Nope, absolutely not.”
And then there’s the other voice — the one that says, “But they’re an expert, or they know what’s best for me. And what will THEY think if I don’t follow their advice?”

Guess which one usually gets us into trouble.

No teacher, parent, friend, or expert can know what’s right for your life better than you — but we often forget that and let others decide for us.

We make choices every day — some small, some life‑changing. Some turn out beautifully, and some… not so much. Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern:

My best choices came from trusting myself, but my worst ones happened when I depended more on others’ advice than my own intuition.

Let me share a few examples.

When I was about to become a new mom, I traded my 1966 red Mustang for a Pinto station wagon because everyone said it was the “responsible” choice for a mom. Bad decision. I regretted it every single day. That car would be worth over $50,000 today.

Then there was the time I moved my successful business to a new location because the “business experts” said it was a smart move. My gut told me no, but I went along with them anyway. Those of you who’ve read my book know it as my “mistake on the lake.” It was exactly that—a mistake. A very costly one.

But here’s the fun part: the decisions everyone else thought were terrible turned out to be some of the best of my life.

I chose a contract on the East Coast instead of one near my home on the West Coast because it felt right. The West Coast project was longer and required no travel, but I had a strong feeling I was meant to be on the East Coast. People thought I’d lost my mind, but that contract on the East Coast lasted three years—and I met my husband. It was a good decision.

I made another smart decision seventeen years ago when I bought a house on the lake in Nashville. Friends and family questioned everything: the size, the distance, the cost, my sanity. I knew I would keep living in Sausalito until I semi-retired, but I felt strongly that buying the house was a good choice.

I split my time between Nashville and Sausalito for ten years, and now I live in my lake house, which has more than tripled in value. Another smart decision, based on what felt right for me rather than what others said was right.

So yes, there’s a pattern: my inner voice has a better track record than “they” do.

Trusting yourself is an act of courage. It means taking responsibility for your life, rather than outsourcing your choices to people who don’t have to live with the consequences.

Decision making is a skill, and like any skill, it gets better with practice. Here are five steps that help you build trust and confidence in your ability to make the best decision for yourself.

1. Prioritize

We can feel overwhelmed by the decisions we believe we must make now, but not every decision needs to be made today, and some might not even need to be made this month. A good decision often eliminates several unnecessary ones. Focus on the decisions you see as critical and that you have enough information to make.

2. Own the Decision

When you’re unsure, it’s tempting to turn your decision into a group project by asking everyone what you should do or what they would choose. But remember, people give you advice based on who they think you are — not who you’re going to be. And they don’t have to live with the outcome. You do.

3. Define the Outcome

What does success look like?
And please — visualize the best outcome, not a disaster movie version. If you’re choosing between two cities, envision yourself living in each. Walk the neighborhood in your mind. Try out life in each one. Which feels right? Which supports the life you want to experience?

4. Know Your Risk Tolerance

Are you more comfortable taking a big leap or small steps? What’s the realistic downside? How can you minimize it? Think about the risks you’ve taken before — the ones that brought you here. You’ve survived 100% of your decisions so far. It’s time to trust yourself and step out of your comfort zone. Life has a way of working out. Even if you make the wrong choice, you can adjust.

5. Look Backward to Move Forward

What would your current self tell the “you” from ten years ago when you were struggling to make an overwhelming decision? Would you tell your younger self, “Don’t worry about it.” Everything will turn out great.”

Now imagine your future self speaking to you today. Would they say, “Go for it — this decision will be the best you’ve ever made, and you’ll regret not taking the risk?” That perspective often provides the clarity you need to move forward.

Someone once told me to flip a coin when I’m torn. Assign a choice to each side of the coin. If it lands on heads and your first thought is, “Best two out of three,” congratulations — you already know what you want. The decision isn’t the problem. Not trusting yourself is

As a child, you lived with the consequences of choices made by others. As an adult, you have the power to choose for yourself. The question is whether you’re still letting others make choices for you — or if you’re ready to trust yourself to build the life you want.

Let this be your mantra, “I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision” – and your compass — guiding you toward the life you desire.

Something to think about

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Mantra #4: I Am Creating A Beautiful Life

A mantra for rebuilding, reimagining, and reinventing your life—
one choice at a time.

There are times when life falls apart—when the job ends, the relationship is over, and the future you expected fades away. I’ve experienced those moments too, looking at a life that no longer matched the one I had expected.

In those moments, repeating “I am creating a beautiful life” gave me hope. Not because anything felt beautiful, but because I needed to remember that beauty can be rebuilt. That I could begin again. That I could create something new, one choice at a time. And, I did.

This mantra isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about remembering your power to create something meaningful, even in the middle of uncertainty or loss.

A beautiful life rarely arrives fully formed. It’s built—often in the middle of days that feel anything but beautiful. It grows from the choices you make about how you spend your time, who you allow in your life, and what you give your energy to.

When life feels confusing or unsteady, this mantra becomes an anchor. Those moments may feel like endings, but they’re also opportunities to design your life from the inside out.

In those moments you tell yourself: “I am creating a beautiful life. Not someday. Not when everything is perfect. Now.”

What is a beautiful life?

There’s no universal definition. Each of us must decide what beauty means in our own lives. But it helps to begin with the pieces that shape your everyday experience.

1. Your environment

Your surroundings influence how you feel. For me, a beautiful environment is the lake outside my window—water, trees, sky. I need nature. I need color. I need reminders that the world is bigger than whatever I’m worrying about.

Your version may look different:

  • A cozy apartment filled with plants
  • A high-rise view that glows at night
  • A tiny home tucked in the woods
  • A kitchen that smells like coffee and possibility

Ask yourself: What do I want to see when I wake up?  How do I want to feel? What surroundings help me breathe easier? What fills me with gratitude?

If your current environment is anything but beautiful, think about improvements you can make. Just adding plants, a vase of flowers, and a little color can make a big difference.

2. The people you choose to be around

A beautiful life is supported by beautiful relationships—not perfect people, but people who help you grow.

I’ve learned to limit time with chronic complainers, not because I don’t want to help, but because negativity spreads quickly. So does hope. So does courage. So does joy. And those feel so much better.

Consider the people in your life:

  • Who lifts you up?
  • Who drains you?
  • Who believes in your dreams?
  • Who makes you feel small?

A beautiful life is built with people who support your goals—not those who question your sanity when you talk about your dreams.

3. How you spend your time

Time is your most valuable resource . How you use it determines your direction.

An important question to ask yourself is “When was the last time I did something for the first time?”

A beautiful life isn’t lived on autopilot. It’s shaped by curiosity, courage, the willingness to imagine something better for yourself—and to try something new, even if you’re not good at it yet. Especially then.

Trying new things reminds you that you are still growing, still capable, and still becoming. It also allows you to connect with new people who might be better suited to be part of the life you want to create.

A beautiful life begins with one belief

You deserve the best life has to offer. You don’t have to settle. You have the power to shape your future. Don’t hand that power to others by living to please them. You’re the one who lives with the results of your choices—so choose the ones that lead you toward the life you want to create.

A beautiful life isn’t something you find. It’s something you build—with intention, courage, and a deep belief that you deserve more than just surviving.

So when doubt creeps in, or the path feels unclear, return to this mantra. Let it remind you that you’re not waiting for beauty—you’re creating it.

I am creating a beautiful life. And every day, in ways big and small, you already are.

The Mantra Series Mantra #1: What’s Important Now

A mantra is a small phrase with surprising power — one that helps you stay present and focused. It offers clarity when life feels confusing, perspective when things get stressful, and a reminder that you are more resilient than you realize. Whatever happens, you will be okay.

In a world that feels increasingly chaotic and unpredictable, these small phrases matter more than ever. They help you stay grounded in what’s real and remind you that you can choose what’s important now.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing my top ten mantras — the ones that have guided me through many seasons of life. So, let’s begin with the question that has reshaped my path more times than I can count.

Mantra #1: What’s important now?

This is a powerful question to begin the year with. Your answer becomes a compass — not just for your daily activities, but for your life and what truly matters in your current phase of living.

There are two ways to use this mantra:

1. The Practical Application

“What’s important now?” is a tool for improving productivity and staying focused on what truly deserves your attention.

When everything feels urgent, this question helps you decide what matters, what can wait, and what can be released altogether. It keeps your time aligned with your real priorities and your energy directed toward what actually moves life forward.

I often ask myself: What will happen if this thing I think is urgent doesn’t get done? Will it matter in a week, a month, or a year? Usually, the answer is no.

2. The Deeper Application

The second use of this mantra is more meaningful: it helps you clarify how you want to experience life right now.

After many years of coaching people through major transitions, I’ve noticed something consistent: the happiest people are those aligned with what’s important in the season they’re actually living. Many of us continue operating from a previous phase of life — even when it no longer fits who we are.

Life moves in seasons. As the familiar verse reminds us, “For everything there is a season. A time and place for every purpose under the sun.” Each season asks something different from us. When we’re not aligned with that season, nothing feels quite right. We feel out of place — because we are.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing we must have it all and do it all now. But we don’t. We can’t. And we’re not meant to. Life unfolds like a book with many chapters, and not everything belongs in chapter one.

Asking “What’s important now?” brings you back into alignment with your real priorities — the ones that match the season you’re living in, not the last one or the one you think you “should” be in.

Looking back, I can see how much better life worked when I honored the purpose of the season I was in — and how stressful it felt when I resisted it.

This question simplifies decision-making. You only need to ask whether the choice in front of you aligns with the purpose of your season. If it does, you move forward. If it doesn’t, you let it go.

We’re living longer than generations before us, which means more seasons to experience and more chapters to write. This may be your season to prioritize family, career, travel, learning, health, service, creativity, or simply savoring life and feeling grateful for all the chapters you’ve lived.

A Closing Thought

When life feels uncertain, this simple question brings you back to yourself. “What’s important now?” It doesn’t demand perfection — only presence. You don’t have to have everything figured out. You only need to know what matters right now.

Let this question steady you, simplify your choices, and bring you back into alignment with your season of life.

One question. One moment. One chapter at a time.

Everyday Resilience: How to Rise from Life’s Setbacks

Life, at times, throws challenges our way that seem insurmountable. Moments of doubt, fear, or uncertainty can cast a shadow over our innate strength. But here’s a truth that often goes unnoticed: resilience isn’t something extraordinary, it’s something within us all. It’s not a trait reserved for a select few; it’s the quiet force that allows us to adapt, endure, and rise.

Resilience doesn’t always look heroic. It’s not always about grand gestures or dramatic triumphs. Sometimes, resilience is simply waking up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other when it feels like the world is pressing down. It’s choosing to keep going, even when you’re not sure where the path leads.

Consider the trials you’ve faced in your own life. No matter how big or small, you’ve made it through challenges before—and that’s proof that you’re more resilient than you may believe. Think about the ways you coped: leaning on friends or family, finding moments of joy, or simply holding on and waiting for the storm to pass. These are all acts of resilience, and they demonstrate the depth of your inner strength.

What’s remarkable about resilience is that it grows with use. Like a muscle, the more we encounter adversity and push through, the stronger our capacity becomes. This doesn’t mean you have to welcome hardship—it means that every time you face life’s difficulties, you’re cultivating your ability to rise again.

Remember, resilience isn’t perfection—it’s persistence. It’s not about having all the answers or making no mistakes; it’s about continuing to seek solutions and having the courage to try again after setbacks. It’s about recognizing that setbacks are temporary and the possibility of a brighter future is always within reach.

So, when life gets tough, remind yourself: you’ve faced challenges before and survived them, and you can do it again. Even when the road ahead seems daunting, know this: you’re resilient. You’re stronger than you think. And your ability to adapt and endure is greater than you’ve ever imagined

If Only “They” Would Change

Ten Tips for Achieving Holiday Harmony

It’s the time of year we look forward to when we see friends and family, whom we may not see very often and who may not share our beliefs and feelings about the recent election. This can lead to heated discussions and strained interactions instead of the pleasant experience we all want.

Many people fall into the trap of thinking that holidays would be more pleasant if only “they” would realize how wrong they are and change their thinking to be more like mine.

Family dynamics can be challenging, but thinking that if only “they” would change overlooks the fact that “they” are thinking the same about your need to change your beliefs.

Expecting people to change their beliefs and behaviors can create a hostile environment, where they feel criticized and may become defensive. When we focus on others’ need to change, we don’t listen to what they say about their beliefs and why they believe we need to change ours.

Beliefs are deep-rooted and difficult to change. Our upbringing, culture, experiences, and education shape them. They form the core of our identity and worldview. When we encounter differing beliefs, it can feel like a challenge to our identity and values. Several factors contribute to this insecurity:

  • Fear of Being Wrong: The idea that we might be wrong can be unsettling, leading us to cling tightly to our beliefs.
  • Social Validation: We often seek validation from others, and when they don’t share our beliefs, we feel a lack of validation.
  • Cognitive Dissonance: Encountering beliefs that contradict our own can create a mental discomfort that we instinctively want to resolve.

If you feel strongly about another person’s beliefs and spend way too much time wondering how they could possibly believe what they do and how you can help them get back to “normal,” ask yourself why their beliefs bother you so much. 

In a world of diverse opinions and perspectives, one of our biggest challenges is accepting that others can hold different beliefs without threatening ours. This feeling often stems from a lack of confidence in our beliefs, leading us to think that the only way to feel secure in our relationships is if others adopt our viewpoint. However, once we embrace the diversity of beliefs, we can feel a sense of liberation and relief.

Building confidence in our beliefs can help us accept and embrace the diversity of perspectives around us. Their beliefs don’t have to mirror ours for us to accept and feel confident in our own.

To create peace, harmony, and enjoyable times with those we love, here’s something to think about this Holiday Season:

Ten Tips for Achieving Holiday Harmony

  1. In politically polarized families, rather than trying to change each other’s political views, focus on shared values like unconditional love and mutual respect, memories that make you laugh and smile. Do you really want your relationships to be conditioned on sharing your beliefs?
  2. Identify what triggers negative responses in us and why. Use the power of the pause in conversations to create a moment of silence for reflection and allow both parties to think before responding to something they may later regret.
  3. Listen with an open mind and a genuine interest in understanding their perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it can help you appreciate where they’re coming from.
  4. Engage in constructive dialogues and discussions rather than debates. Focus on sharing and exploring ideas rather than convincing others to adopt your viewpoint.
  5. Embrace uncertainty to be open-minded and adaptable. This mindset can reduce the need to defend your beliefs aggressively.
  6. Understand that your beliefs are part of you but don’t define your entire identity. This separation can help you view differing beliefs as opportunities for growth rather than threats to your self-worth.
  7. Practice mindfulness and self-acceptance to become more aware of your reactions to differing beliefs. Accepting yourself and your beliefs without judgment can foster inner peace and make it easier to take the differing beliefs of others without judging them wrong.
  8. Recognize that everyone’s beliefs are shaped by their unique experiences and that diversity enriches our collective wisdom.
  9. Identify and focus on shared values and goals that transcend specific beliefs. This can help bridge gaps and foster collaboration and understanding.
  10. Model the behavior you wish to see in others. Don’t condition relationships on sharing your beliefs. By doing so, you can be confident in your beliefs while being open to and respectful of different perspectives. This approach empowers you to set a positive example and influence the tone of the conversation.

Conclusion

Navigating family dynamics when beliefs diverge is difficult but possible. By practicing empathy, focusing on shared values, using “I” statements, setting boundaries, and being interested in learning more about beliefs that differ from ours, we can improve communication and foster healthier relationships. Promoting mutual respect and understanding can lead to more harmonious family interactions, even in the face of divergent beliefs.

The Power of a Pause: How Taking a Break Can Boost Your Self-Confidence

In today’s fast-paced world, where productivity is often valued above all else, deadlines loom over us, and information bombards us from every angle, the idea of taking a pause can seem counterintuitive. Yet, the power of a pause—be it in conversation, work, or daily life—can be profoundly transformative, especially when it comes to building self-confidence.

The Science Behind the Pause

Research in psychology and neuroscience reveals that pauses are crucial for cognitive processing. When we take a moment to step back, our brains can process information more effectively, leading to a clearer perspective on challenges we face, better decision-making, increased creativity, stronger self-esteem, and deeper connections with ourselves and others. There are a dozen reasons to take a pause:

  1. Create the Opportunity for Reflection

One of the most significant benefits of pausing is creating an opportunity for reflection. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of our values. When we take a moment to step back, we create space for introspection. This allows us to reevaluate our values and determine if we are living in alignment with them or if they have changed and how we might need to change to align with them.

  •  Acknowledge Achievements

Many people struggle with recognizing their accomplishments, often feeling that they must constantly achieve more. Taking a break provides the time to reflect on what you’ve accomplished so far. This acknowledgment can foster a sense of pride and reinforce a positive self-image, which is crucial for building self-confidence.

  • Gain Perspective

A pause can also help shift your perspective. When we’re caught up in the grind, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by challenges. Taking a break allows you to step back and view your situation from a broader perspective. This shift can help you realize that challenges are often temporary and that you have the skills to handle them. Recognizing your resilience strengthens your belief in your abilities.

  • Recharge Your Energy

Self-confidence is not just about mindset; it’s also about energy. Burnout and fatigue can severely undermine self-esteem. Our brains can only handle so much before fatigue sets in. Pausing allows you to recharge, both mentally and physically. Short breaks like standing up, stretching, or even a brief meditation reduce mental overload and give you the energy to confidently enter a meeting room or event.

  • Reduce Stress

Stress can create a cycle of self-doubt, where the pressure to perform leads to anxiety, which in turn diminishes confidence. Pausing breaks this loop, allowing our brains and bodies to reset. Research shows a brief interruption can disrupt repetitive negative thoughts or physical stress symptoms. Taking time to relax, engage in hobbies, or simply do nothing can significantly reduce stress levels. Lower stress leads to clearer thinking and a more positive outlook, which bolsters self-confidence.

  • Enhance Creativity

Stepping away from a problem or task can lead to breakthroughs in creativity. When you return with a refreshed mind, you may find new solutions and ideas that boost your creativity and confidence in your problem-solving abilities.

  • Build Skills Through New Experiences

A pause doesn’t have to mean complete inaction. It can also be an opportunity to explore new interests or develop new skills. Engaging in new experiences can significantly enhance your self-esteem. Learning something new can be empowering, and mastering a new skill can boost your confidence. The sense of accomplishment can translate into increased self-assurance in other areas of your life.

  • Expand Your Comfort Zone

Trying new activities often involves stepping out of your comfort zone, which can be daunting but rewarding. Each time you successfully navigate a new experience, you reinforce your belief in your ability to handle challenges. This process gradually expands your comfort zone and builds lasting self-confidence.

  • Foster Mindfulness and Presence

Pausing can facilitate mindfulness, which is essential for self-confidence. Mindfulness encourages you to be present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It helps cultivate self-compassion, allowing you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding and making you less likely to engage in negative self-talk, which can erode confidence. Instead, you learn to support yourself through challenges, creating a healthier self-image. 

Practicing mindfulness through intentional pauses can reduce stress and anxiety, leading to a greater sense of peace. Whether through meditation, deep breathing, or simply stepping away from a hectic environment, these moments of stillness can rejuvenate our spirits and enhance our overall well-being.

  1.  Increase Self-Awareness

A mindful pause enhances self-awareness, helping you understand your strengths and weaknesses. This understanding allows you to set realistic goals and recognize that growth is a journey. The more self-aware you are, the more confident you become in your decisions and capabilities.

  1. Cultivate Gratitude

Pausing can also open the door to gratitude. When we take a moment to reflect on our lives—what we have, who we love, and what we’ve achieved—we cultivate a sense of appreciation. This practice can shift our mindset from scarcity to abundance, promoting happiness and contentment.

  1. Enhance Communication

Pauses play a vital role in conversations and group presentations. Pausing in conversations creates a space for reflection, allowing both parties to think before responding. This not only deepens understanding but also encourages active listening. By giving ourselves and others the time to reflect, we foster an environment of respect and thoughtful engagement.

In presentations to large groups, a well-timed pause can enhance the impact of what’s being said, signaling that a statement is important or requires consideration. Professional speakers effectively use this technique, even though pausing makes you feel uncomfortable and afraid of looking like you have forgotten what you were going to say.

Silence can be uncomfortable, but it can also be a powerful tool for communication. Embracing silence creates a moment where thoughts and emotions can settle. Silence can lead to breakthroughs in high-stakes conversations, such as negotiations or personal discussions, as it encourages introspection and reduces impulsivity.

The Challenges of Pausing

Despite its benefits, pausing is often easier said than done. The pressure to be constantly productive and connected can make it feel uncomfortable or even unnecessary. Overcoming this feeling requires intentional effort. It may involve setting aside specific times for reflection or learning to embrace silence in conversations instead of rushing to fill every gap with words.

Here are Practical Tips for Incorporating Pauses into Your Life

  1. Schedule Breaks: Set specific times during your day for short breaks. Use this time to stretch, breathe, or simply sit in silence.
  2. Mindful Breathing: Practice taking deep breaths before responding to conversations, making decisions, or entering a room you might feel nervous about. This can help center your thoughts and emotions and appear more confident than you may be feeling.
  3. Silent Moments: Incorporate silence into your daily routine—whether through meditation, walking in nature, or simply sitting quietly for a few minutes.
  4. Reflective Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings each day. This can create space for reflection and gratitude.
  5. Embrace Discomfort: Acknowledge that pauses can feel awkward at first. With practice, they can become a source of strength rather than discomfort.

Conclusion

Pauses are powerful. In a world that often glorifies busyness, it’s crucial to recognize the value of pausing. Embracing stillness allows for reflection, rejuvenation, growth, and self-discovery. It can lead to deeper insights, improved communication, increased self-confidence and well-being, empowering you to face challenges with resilience and assurance. These moments of intentional rest remind us that relaxation doesn’t always require lengthy breaks or vacations. Often, it’s the few seconds we take to pause, breathe, and reconnect to who we are.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, remember the power of a pause. It might be just what you need.  By allowing yourself the grace of a pause, you open the door to a more thoughtful, connected, and fulfilled life. Ultimately, it’s not just about the moments we fill with action but also about the moments we choose to reflect, breathe, and simply be.

Is It Time for a Career Change?

If you think it’s time to look for a new job or completely change careers, it probably is. Ten clues will help you clarify your current situation and decide whether to stay or go.

1. Your body is telling you enough is enough!

Do you get the “Sunday-night dread’? It’s no coincidence that these feelings happen when they do; your body is telling you it knows what Monday will bring and isn’t happy about it.

  • Are you constantly exhausted?
  • Do you struggle to concentrate?
  • Do you have headaches?

2. Your job is impacting your self-esteem

A fulfilling career should boost your confidence and self-esteem, not the opposite. If you begin to doubt yourself and your abilities, something must change. Staying in a job that makes you feel bad about yourself can seriously impact your self-confidence and career opportunities in the long term.

  • You feel like your suggestions are ignored.
  • You’re not confident in your decision-making.
  • You see no opportunity for growth or progression.

3. You’re only there for the money

Making money in a job that sacrifices your happiness is not worth the payoff. A career that brings personal and professional satisfaction beats all that money. Material things will never make up for hating your job.

  • You tell yourself you’ll only stay until you get your bonus.
  • You buy nice things to compensate for the pain of having a job you hate.
  • You envy friends with less well-paid jobs but greater job satisfaction.

4. You dream of a different career

If you’re wondering wistfully what it might be like to work for a top company in a culture and job that aligns with your passion, redirect your thinking to figuring out how to make it happen.

  • You always have a browser open on a job listing website but only look and do nothing.
  • You often read about the lives and careers of people you admire to distract yourself from your job.
  • You hate telling people what your job is and wish you could say something different.

5. You’re lacking energy, and you’re eternally bored

We all have days when we lack enthusiasm for our job, but it shouldn’t be every day. When you see everything boring, it’s time for a change.

  • You struggle to get out of bed early to go to the office.
  • The days seem to last forever
  • You’re tired all day, find it hard to stay awake in meetings, have nothing to contribute, and can no longer fake enthusiasm.

6. You’ve become disconnected from your passions

You feel disconnected from the original reason you chose your career. The challenge and creativity that initially enticed you has become routine, and you spend more time sitting in meetings than creating anything of substance. Remembering why you chose the career you did can help you identify what needs to change. Are your values still the same, or have you changed as you’ve grown older and more experienced?

  • You miss doing what brought you into the industry in the first place.
  • You feel like your job is taking away time when you could do what you’re passionate about.
  • You don’t recognize the person you’ve become in this job as it is so far removed from the person you were when you started the job.

7. You’re jealous of friends’ jobs

Envying the jobs, careers, or work cultures of friends or family can signal that you want to be doing something else, somewhere else. It can efficiently pinpoint where you want to go with your career.

  • You dream of having the creativity and flexibility your friends have in their careers.
  • You want to work for a company where work-life balance exists.
  • You’re constantly exclaiming how wonderful your friends’ jobs sound.

8. You’ve retired on the job

Why bother? Your suggestions have been ignored or rejected, or you work for a company that would like you to do what you are paid to do rather than suggest improvements. You have great ideas, but no longer bother sharing them. You do the minimum of what’s required to keep your job.

  • You have no interest in the company you work for.
  • You are coasting along and no longer looking for opportunities for promotion or advancement.
  • You’re saving your innovative ideas for a job with another company or your own company.

9. You would leave right now if you could

 If you could leave your job right now and remain financially secure, would you? If yes, start working out what’s required to do that and develop a timeline for making it happen.

  • Money is the only thing keeping you in your job.
  • You’re already saving up for the day you can leave.
  • You’ve dreamed of starting your own business but haven’t taken steps to learn what’s involved.

10. Your friends don’t recognize you anymore

The people closest to you can see that your job is taking its toll on you and not making you happy. They remember when you were enthusiastic, creative, and inspired to go out and achieve, and they don’t recognize the person always complaining. It’s time to take stock and start thinking about the person they used to know and how you can return to being that person.

  • You have less time for family and friends; when you do, you’re stressed and unhappy.
  • You don’t have the time or energy for the things that used to make you happy.
  • You’ve become so negative you’re a real drag to be around.

So now what?

You’re miserable; you know it’s time to change something, but you feel stuck and unable to move forward. Let’s break down what feels overwhelming into manageable steps.

First, ask yourself if the problem is the company, the industry, or the job itself.

  • If you think you would be happy doing your job but doing it somewhere else, think about working for another company.
  • If you believe this job will always leave you depressed, undervalued, and overworked, consider changing your profession.
  • If you’re in a dying industry that offers no opportunity to advance in your career, explore changing industries.

Your answers help you gain clarity about what to focus on changing.

Next month, we will talk about transferable skills that expand your career options. You have more to offer the world than you realize.