Author: coachrita365

Am I Letting Go or Am I Giving Up

As we grow older, reflection becomes inevitable. We may begin to ask ourselves: Have I done enough? Is there more I should be striving for, or is it time to be content? Have I climbed all the mountains I was meant to climb, or should I still be chasing new summits?

Lately, I’ve found myself confronting a vision I once had for this phase of life — a vision that may no longer be realistic. Accepting that is difficult for someone like me, whose philosophy has always been that many things in life are difficult, but few are impossible. I’ve always believed that with enough determination, any goal could be achieved. When something starts to feel out of reach, letting go can feel like I’m giving up.

But is that really the case?

We’ve all seen people in leadership roles hold on long past their time. Staying too long can diminish the impact of their legacy. Letting go, in these cases, could have been a wiser and more dignified decision.

And it’s not just about careers. How many of us have held on to relationships, roles, or dreams long after they stopped serving us? Sometimes, we persist in situations that are clearly no longer working because walking away feels like failure.

We often create a vision of how life should be. But life has a way of shifting — through unexpected challenges, changing priorities, or simply time. When that vision no longer aligns with our reality, we face a difficult choice: Do we keep striving toward what might no longer be possible, or do we accept a new version of life?

Is acceptance the same as surrender? Is letting go a sign of wisdom — or a sign of giving up?

Understanding the difference between the two is key. Here’s how I’ve come to define them:

  • Letting Go is a conscious, intentional decision made after reflection and clarity. It’s about releasing attachments, beliefs, or situations that no longer serve your well-being, to make space for new possibilities. It can bring peace, relief, and a renewed sense of purpose.
  • Giving Up is often reactive. It’s driven by discouragement, fear, self-doubt, or external pressure. It involves abandoning effort and can leave us feeling powerless or regretful, reinforcing a sense of failure.

The difference lies in the motivation behind the choice — and the impact it has on your well-being.

Ask yourself:

  • Does holding on bring you hope, joy, and inspiration?
  • Or does it feel heavy, frustrating, and burdensome?
  • Are you driven by passion — or by fear?

Letting go isn’t weakness. It isn’t quitting. It’s choosing to stop pouring your energy into what no longer brings you joy. It’s choosing peace over struggle, clarity over confusion. Most importantly, it’s choosing to trust that releasing something doesn’t mean you’re left with nothing — it just means you’re making room for something new.

The process of accepting life as it is — rather than as you once imagined it — does not mean you’ve been defeated. Acceptance allows us to find gratitude for what we do have instead of despair over what we’ve lost or were never able to achieve.

Ultimately, whether you decide to let go or to hold on, do it with intention. Understand why you’re making the choice. Evaluate the cost to your mental, emotional, and physical health. And be honest about what you’re fighting for — or what you’re fighting against.

Every decision we make shapes our future. So, choose with clarity. Choose with courage. And above all, choose what honors your growth

Everyday Resilience: How to Rise from Life’s Setbacks

Life, at times, throws challenges our way that seem insurmountable. Moments of doubt, fear, or uncertainty can cast a shadow over our innate strength. But here’s a truth that often goes unnoticed: resilience isn’t something extraordinary, it’s something within us all. It’s not a trait reserved for a select few; it’s the quiet force that allows us to adapt, endure, and rise.

Resilience doesn’t always look heroic. It’s not always about grand gestures or dramatic triumphs. Sometimes, resilience is simply waking up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other when it feels like the world is pressing down. It’s choosing to keep going, even when you’re not sure where the path leads.

Consider the trials you’ve faced in your own life. No matter how big or small, you’ve made it through challenges before—and that’s proof that you’re more resilient than you may believe. Think about the ways you coped: leaning on friends or family, finding moments of joy, or simply holding on and waiting for the storm to pass. These are all acts of resilience, and they demonstrate the depth of your inner strength.

What’s remarkable about resilience is that it grows with use. Like a muscle, the more we encounter adversity and push through, the stronger our capacity becomes. This doesn’t mean you have to welcome hardship—it means that every time you face life’s difficulties, you’re cultivating your ability to rise again.

Remember, resilience isn’t perfection—it’s persistence. It’s not about having all the answers or making no mistakes; it’s about continuing to seek solutions and having the courage to try again after setbacks. It’s about recognizing that setbacks are temporary and the possibility of a brighter future is always within reach.

So, when life gets tough, remind yourself: you’ve faced challenges before and survived them, and you can do it again. Even when the road ahead seems daunting, know this: you’re resilient. You’re stronger than you think. And your ability to adapt and endure is greater than you’ve ever imagined

The Love of a Pet: A Valentine’s Day Tribute to Our Furry Companions

While Valentine’s Day is often associated with romantic love, there’s another kind of love that deserves celebrating—one that is loyal, pure, and unwavering: the love between humans and their pets.

Whether it’s a devoted dog’s wagging tail or a contented cat’s gentle purr, pets offer us companionship, joy, and an unconditional bond that enriches our lives every day. Pets are more than just animals; they are family, friends, and our most loyal confidants. 

Two years ago, in a moment of insanity and a feeling that it was now or never, my husband and I decided to get a dog. Our reasoning, based on denial, was that if we didn’t get one now, we would be too old to take care of one. What we soon learned, however, was that we were already too old.

We fell in love with a six-week-old golden retriever we named Jackie and took her home to live with us. We soon found ourselves wondering how such a tiny bundle of joy could create such delightful chaos.

My standards for a clean house fell quickly. Shredded puppy pads became part of the décor, and protecting our socks and shoes became our new way of life.

We learned to identify people in our neighborhood who were “dog people” and to avoid those who weren’t. The Dog Park became our social life, and Jackie soon became its queen. Before running off to play with the dogs, she would greet each dog’s parents with friendliness, which always resulted in a belly rub or pat on the head. Our challenge was chasing Jackie around the park when we were ready to go home because she was never ready.

I began reading about dogs’ developmental stages, so I would know what to expect next and be reassured that our current stage wouldn’t last forever. 

We attended puppy training classes that Jackie thought were play time but made us feel like failures as parents. In her first four-week training class, she barked from the beginning to the end of every session while the other dogs sat quietly beside their parents. I’m sure the teacher gave her a passing grade to get rid of her.

We’ve survived 25 months with Jackie, and oh, the joy she has brought us. We can be gone for 30 minutes, and she will greet us as if we have been gone for 30 days. She always gives us something to laugh about, and her love is unconditional. She sits between us on the sofa at night while we’re watching TV and alternates whose face she will lick next.  Woe to you if you sneeze in her presence. All seventy pounds of her will be in your lap with her nose in your face, ensuring you’re ok.

One of the most remarkable aspects of the human-pet relationship is the unwavering loyalty and affection it provides. Unlike human relationships, which can be complex and sometimes unpredictable, pets love without judgment or condition. They are always there to greet us after a long day, comfort us when we’re feeling down, and celebrate with us in our happiest moments.

Beyond the emotional joy pets bring, they also contribute significantly to our well-being. Studies have shown that pet ownership can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and even improve heart health. Petting an animal releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and happiness, while also decreasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

For those who suffer from anxiety or depression, pets provide a sense of purpose and routine. They encourage physical activity—whether it’s taking a dog for a walk or playing with a cat—which can boost mental health. Their presence can alleviate feelings of loneliness, providing comfort and companionship in times of need.

To experience the love of a pet, you must also be prepared to accept its loss. I’m told that the pain of losing a pet softens over time, leaving behind a bittersweet reminder of the joy they brought. The loss of my 20-year-old cat, Jasmine, is too recent for me to know for sure.

I adopted Jasmine when she was just a few months old. She was an adventuresome cat I often rescued from the trees beside my balcony. We frequently flew coast to coast together when my consulting business required me to live in other locations for a year or so. Taking an adventuresome cat through airport security is not easy. No matter where I was and what was happening in my life, Jasmine was always there with me. I miss her every day.

Though our pet may no longer be physically by our side, the love we shared endures. Memories of their playfulness and loving companionship are engraved in our hearts as a testament to an unbreakable connection that forever enriches our souls.  

Valentine’s Day is about expressing love; our pets do this every day without words. Their loyalty, companionship, and affection remind us of the beauty of simple, unconditional love. This Valentine’s Day, let’s cherish the love our pets give us so freely—because, in their eyes, every day is a celebration of love.

Let them know how much they mean to you, whether it’s an extra treat, a longer walk, or quiet cuddle time. And if you don’t have a pet, consider rescuing one—somewhere, a pet waiting for you who needs your love, and maybe you need theirs. 

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If Only “They” Would Change

Ten Tips for Achieving Holiday Harmony

It’s the time of year we look forward to when we see friends and family, whom we may not see very often and who may not share our beliefs and feelings about the recent election. This can lead to heated discussions and strained interactions instead of the pleasant experience we all want.

Many people fall into the trap of thinking that holidays would be more pleasant if only “they” would realize how wrong they are and change their thinking to be more like mine.

Family dynamics can be challenging, but thinking that if only “they” would change overlooks the fact that “they” are thinking the same about your need to change your beliefs.

Expecting people to change their beliefs and behaviors can create a hostile environment, where they feel criticized and may become defensive. When we focus on others’ need to change, we don’t listen to what they say about their beliefs and why they believe we need to change ours.

Beliefs are deep-rooted and difficult to change. Our upbringing, culture, experiences, and education shape them. They form the core of our identity and worldview. When we encounter differing beliefs, it can feel like a challenge to our identity and values. Several factors contribute to this insecurity:

  • Fear of Being Wrong: The idea that we might be wrong can be unsettling, leading us to cling tightly to our beliefs.
  • Social Validation: We often seek validation from others, and when they don’t share our beliefs, we feel a lack of validation.
  • Cognitive Dissonance: Encountering beliefs that contradict our own can create a mental discomfort that we instinctively want to resolve.

If you feel strongly about another person’s beliefs and spend way too much time wondering how they could possibly believe what they do and how you can help them get back to “normal,” ask yourself why their beliefs bother you so much. 

In a world of diverse opinions and perspectives, one of our biggest challenges is accepting that others can hold different beliefs without threatening ours. This feeling often stems from a lack of confidence in our beliefs, leading us to think that the only way to feel secure in our relationships is if others adopt our viewpoint. However, once we embrace the diversity of beliefs, we can feel a sense of liberation and relief.

Building confidence in our beliefs can help us accept and embrace the diversity of perspectives around us. Their beliefs don’t have to mirror ours for us to accept and feel confident in our own.

To create peace, harmony, and enjoyable times with those we love, here’s something to think about this Holiday Season:

Ten Tips for Achieving Holiday Harmony

  1. In politically polarized families, rather than trying to change each other’s political views, focus on shared values like unconditional love and mutual respect, memories that make you laugh and smile. Do you really want your relationships to be conditioned on sharing your beliefs?
  2. Identify what triggers negative responses in us and why. Use the power of the pause in conversations to create a moment of silence for reflection and allow both parties to think before responding to something they may later regret.
  3. Listen with an open mind and a genuine interest in understanding their perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it can help you appreciate where they’re coming from.
  4. Engage in constructive dialogues and discussions rather than debates. Focus on sharing and exploring ideas rather than convincing others to adopt your viewpoint.
  5. Embrace uncertainty to be open-minded and adaptable. This mindset can reduce the need to defend your beliefs aggressively.
  6. Understand that your beliefs are part of you but don’t define your entire identity. This separation can help you view differing beliefs as opportunities for growth rather than threats to your self-worth.
  7. Practice mindfulness and self-acceptance to become more aware of your reactions to differing beliefs. Accepting yourself and your beliefs without judgment can foster inner peace and make it easier to take the differing beliefs of others without judging them wrong.
  8. Recognize that everyone’s beliefs are shaped by their unique experiences and that diversity enriches our collective wisdom.
  9. Identify and focus on shared values and goals that transcend specific beliefs. This can help bridge gaps and foster collaboration and understanding.
  10. Model the behavior you wish to see in others. Don’t condition relationships on sharing your beliefs. By doing so, you can be confident in your beliefs while being open to and respectful of different perspectives. This approach empowers you to set a positive example and influence the tone of the conversation.

Conclusion

Navigating family dynamics when beliefs diverge is difficult but possible. By practicing empathy, focusing on shared values, using “I” statements, setting boundaries, and being interested in learning more about beliefs that differ from ours, we can improve communication and foster healthier relationships. Promoting mutual respect and understanding can lead to more harmonious family interactions, even in the face of divergent beliefs.

The Power of a Pause: How Taking a Break Can Boost Your Self-Confidence

In today’s fast-paced world, where productivity is often valued above all else, deadlines loom over us, and information bombards us from every angle, the idea of taking a pause can seem counterintuitive. Yet, the power of a pause—be it in conversation, work, or daily life—can be profoundly transformative, especially when it comes to building self-confidence.

The Science Behind the Pause

Research in psychology and neuroscience reveals that pauses are crucial for cognitive processing. When we take a moment to step back, our brains can process information more effectively, leading to a clearer perspective on challenges we face, better decision-making, increased creativity, stronger self-esteem, and deeper connections with ourselves and others. There are a dozen reasons to take a pause:

  1. Create the Opportunity for Reflection

One of the most significant benefits of pausing is creating an opportunity for reflection. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of our values. When we take a moment to step back, we create space for introspection. This allows us to reevaluate our values and determine if we are living in alignment with them or if they have changed and how we might need to change to align with them.

  •  Acknowledge Achievements

Many people struggle with recognizing their accomplishments, often feeling that they must constantly achieve more. Taking a break provides the time to reflect on what you’ve accomplished so far. This acknowledgment can foster a sense of pride and reinforce a positive self-image, which is crucial for building self-confidence.

  • Gain Perspective

A pause can also help shift your perspective. When we’re caught up in the grind, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by challenges. Taking a break allows you to step back and view your situation from a broader perspective. This shift can help you realize that challenges are often temporary and that you have the skills to handle them. Recognizing your resilience strengthens your belief in your abilities.

  • Recharge Your Energy

Self-confidence is not just about mindset; it’s also about energy. Burnout and fatigue can severely undermine self-esteem. Our brains can only handle so much before fatigue sets in. Pausing allows you to recharge, both mentally and physically. Short breaks like standing up, stretching, or even a brief meditation reduce mental overload and give you the energy to confidently enter a meeting room or event.

  • Reduce Stress

Stress can create a cycle of self-doubt, where the pressure to perform leads to anxiety, which in turn diminishes confidence. Pausing breaks this loop, allowing our brains and bodies to reset. Research shows a brief interruption can disrupt repetitive negative thoughts or physical stress symptoms. Taking time to relax, engage in hobbies, or simply do nothing can significantly reduce stress levels. Lower stress leads to clearer thinking and a more positive outlook, which bolsters self-confidence.

  • Enhance Creativity

Stepping away from a problem or task can lead to breakthroughs in creativity. When you return with a refreshed mind, you may find new solutions and ideas that boost your creativity and confidence in your problem-solving abilities.

  • Build Skills Through New Experiences

A pause doesn’t have to mean complete inaction. It can also be an opportunity to explore new interests or develop new skills. Engaging in new experiences can significantly enhance your self-esteem. Learning something new can be empowering, and mastering a new skill can boost your confidence. The sense of accomplishment can translate into increased self-assurance in other areas of your life.

  • Expand Your Comfort Zone

Trying new activities often involves stepping out of your comfort zone, which can be daunting but rewarding. Each time you successfully navigate a new experience, you reinforce your belief in your ability to handle challenges. This process gradually expands your comfort zone and builds lasting self-confidence.

  • Foster Mindfulness and Presence

Pausing can facilitate mindfulness, which is essential for self-confidence. Mindfulness encourages you to be present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It helps cultivate self-compassion, allowing you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding and making you less likely to engage in negative self-talk, which can erode confidence. Instead, you learn to support yourself through challenges, creating a healthier self-image. 

Practicing mindfulness through intentional pauses can reduce stress and anxiety, leading to a greater sense of peace. Whether through meditation, deep breathing, or simply stepping away from a hectic environment, these moments of stillness can rejuvenate our spirits and enhance our overall well-being.

  1.  Increase Self-Awareness

A mindful pause enhances self-awareness, helping you understand your strengths and weaknesses. This understanding allows you to set realistic goals and recognize that growth is a journey. The more self-aware you are, the more confident you become in your decisions and capabilities.

  1. Cultivate Gratitude

Pausing can also open the door to gratitude. When we take a moment to reflect on our lives—what we have, who we love, and what we’ve achieved—we cultivate a sense of appreciation. This practice can shift our mindset from scarcity to abundance, promoting happiness and contentment.

  1. Enhance Communication

Pauses play a vital role in conversations and group presentations. Pausing in conversations creates a space for reflection, allowing both parties to think before responding. This not only deepens understanding but also encourages active listening. By giving ourselves and others the time to reflect, we foster an environment of respect and thoughtful engagement.

In presentations to large groups, a well-timed pause can enhance the impact of what’s being said, signaling that a statement is important or requires consideration. Professional speakers effectively use this technique, even though pausing makes you feel uncomfortable and afraid of looking like you have forgotten what you were going to say.

Silence can be uncomfortable, but it can also be a powerful tool for communication. Embracing silence creates a moment where thoughts and emotions can settle. Silence can lead to breakthroughs in high-stakes conversations, such as negotiations or personal discussions, as it encourages introspection and reduces impulsivity.

The Challenges of Pausing

Despite its benefits, pausing is often easier said than done. The pressure to be constantly productive and connected can make it feel uncomfortable or even unnecessary. Overcoming this feeling requires intentional effort. It may involve setting aside specific times for reflection or learning to embrace silence in conversations instead of rushing to fill every gap with words.

Here are Practical Tips for Incorporating Pauses into Your Life

  1. Schedule Breaks: Set specific times during your day for short breaks. Use this time to stretch, breathe, or simply sit in silence.
  2. Mindful Breathing: Practice taking deep breaths before responding to conversations, making decisions, or entering a room you might feel nervous about. This can help center your thoughts and emotions and appear more confident than you may be feeling.
  3. Silent Moments: Incorporate silence into your daily routine—whether through meditation, walking in nature, or simply sitting quietly for a few minutes.
  4. Reflective Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings each day. This can create space for reflection and gratitude.
  5. Embrace Discomfort: Acknowledge that pauses can feel awkward at first. With practice, they can become a source of strength rather than discomfort.

Conclusion

Pauses are powerful. In a world that often glorifies busyness, it’s crucial to recognize the value of pausing. Embracing stillness allows for reflection, rejuvenation, growth, and self-discovery. It can lead to deeper insights, improved communication, increased self-confidence and well-being, empowering you to face challenges with resilience and assurance. These moments of intentional rest remind us that relaxation doesn’t always require lengthy breaks or vacations. Often, it’s the few seconds we take to pause, breathe, and reconnect to who we are.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, remember the power of a pause. It might be just what you need.  By allowing yourself the grace of a pause, you open the door to a more thoughtful, connected, and fulfilled life. Ultimately, it’s not just about the moments we fill with action but also about the moments we choose to reflect, breathe, and simply be.

How to Expand Your Career Options

Gone are the days when you went to work for a company and stayed there until you retired. The relationship between employer and employee was based on loyalty in exchange for job security. You would always have a job if you did a good job. That world no longer exists. Today, the average worker makes a career change every 4.1 years.

Today, we live in a world of constant change that rewards flexibility, resilience, and the willingness to learn new skills that a changing workplace demands. It’s comforting to know that although your job may end, your skills go wherever you go. The knowledge you’ve gained, the abilities you’ve developed, and your natural talents are yours to keep. A job title does not define you.

There is a difference between changing jobs and changing careers. A job change is when you stay within the same profession and industry but change who you work for. A career change is when you take a job doing a different kind of work in a different industry. A job change is easier than a career change because you’ve already proven your ability to perform in a profession and industry. A Career change takes longer because you must clearly understand your transferable skills and convince a potential employer that you can apply your skills in a new profession or industry.

Sometimes, you have been in a job for so long that you don’t think about your options beyond finding the same job with another company in the same industry. You have other options and different ways of positioning yourself in the job market that you may not have considered. The list below contains five of those options and the risks associated with each one.

  1. Same Company/New Job

The benefit of this choice is that you understand the company culture and the industry. You’ve built relationships and trust within the company that can be beneficial. The downside is that you may have become too identified with your current role, and it’s difficult for people to imagine you doing anything else.

  1. Same Profession/New Company
  • You’ve proven your ability to be successful in this profession. If you’ve been active in professional associations, you’ve made contacts that can open doors for you to change companies. The risk is that you may not fit in with the company culture.
  1. Same Profession/New Industry
  • Like Option 2, you’ve proven your ability to be successful in your profession, but how knowledgeable are you about other industries that may be growing faster and have more opportunities than yours? Understanding the typical culture of that industry is required to make the best decision. For example, working in the high-tech industry differs from working for a government agency. Which is best for you?
  1. New Profession/New Industry/New Company
  • This choice requires research and preparation, but if you think your profession may be replaced by technology, no longer be in demand, or you’re just sick of it, consider this option. Give yourself time to research the requirements for the profession you are transitioning to. What company do you want to work for, and what contacts do you have at that company who can recommend you?
  1. Same Clients/New Company
  • This is an option you may not have thought of. Having deep experience working with people in a particular industry, profession, nationality, location, or demographic can be a selling point to another company that works with the same clientele you have been successful working with. Which of those companies would you like to work for?

Whatever option you choose, your most essential skills are the willingness to learn and the ability to manage change.

Any of the choices described above will trigger a time of transition when you question every decision you make and convince yourself that it is wrong. Changing jobs or careers is like changing your grade in school or changing schools. You have a new teacher and new friends, and you doubt you’ll succeed because you have so much to learn.

But just like you did in school, you will learn new skills, build new relationships, expand your knowledge, and prepare to climb to the next rung in your career ladder.



read more at http://ritaburgettmartell.com

Is It Time for a Career Change?

If you think it’s time to look for a new job or completely change careers, it probably is. Ten clues will help you clarify your current situation and decide whether to stay or go.

1. Your body is telling you enough is enough!

Do you get the “Sunday-night dread’? It’s no coincidence that these feelings happen when they do; your body is telling you it knows what Monday will bring and isn’t happy about it.

  • Are you constantly exhausted?
  • Do you struggle to concentrate?
  • Do you have headaches?

2. Your job is impacting your self-esteem

A fulfilling career should boost your confidence and self-esteem, not the opposite. If you begin to doubt yourself and your abilities, something must change. Staying in a job that makes you feel bad about yourself can seriously impact your self-confidence and career opportunities in the long term.

  • You feel like your suggestions are ignored.
  • You’re not confident in your decision-making.
  • You see no opportunity for growth or progression.

3. You’re only there for the money

Making money in a job that sacrifices your happiness is not worth the payoff. A career that brings personal and professional satisfaction beats all that money. Material things will never make up for hating your job.

  • You tell yourself you’ll only stay until you get your bonus.
  • You buy nice things to compensate for the pain of having a job you hate.
  • You envy friends with less well-paid jobs but greater job satisfaction.

4. You dream of a different career

If you’re wondering wistfully what it might be like to work for a top company in a culture and job that aligns with your passion, redirect your thinking to figuring out how to make it happen.

  • You always have a browser open on a job listing website but only look and do nothing.
  • You often read about the lives and careers of people you admire to distract yourself from your job.
  • You hate telling people what your job is and wish you could say something different.

5. You’re lacking energy, and you’re eternally bored

We all have days when we lack enthusiasm for our job, but it shouldn’t be every day. When you see everything boring, it’s time for a change.

  • You struggle to get out of bed early to go to the office.
  • The days seem to last forever
  • You’re tired all day, find it hard to stay awake in meetings, have nothing to contribute, and can no longer fake enthusiasm.

6. You’ve become disconnected from your passions

You feel disconnected from the original reason you chose your career. The challenge and creativity that initially enticed you has become routine, and you spend more time sitting in meetings than creating anything of substance. Remembering why you chose the career you did can help you identify what needs to change. Are your values still the same, or have you changed as you’ve grown older and more experienced?

  • You miss doing what brought you into the industry in the first place.
  • You feel like your job is taking away time when you could do what you’re passionate about.
  • You don’t recognize the person you’ve become in this job as it is so far removed from the person you were when you started the job.

7. You’re jealous of friends’ jobs

Envying the jobs, careers, or work cultures of friends or family can signal that you want to be doing something else, somewhere else. It can efficiently pinpoint where you want to go with your career.

  • You dream of having the creativity and flexibility your friends have in their careers.
  • You want to work for a company where work-life balance exists.
  • You’re constantly exclaiming how wonderful your friends’ jobs sound.

8. You’ve retired on the job

Why bother? Your suggestions have been ignored or rejected, or you work for a company that would like you to do what you are paid to do rather than suggest improvements. You have great ideas, but no longer bother sharing them. You do the minimum of what’s required to keep your job.

  • You have no interest in the company you work for.
  • You are coasting along and no longer looking for opportunities for promotion or advancement.
  • You’re saving your innovative ideas for a job with another company or your own company.

9. You would leave right now if you could

 If you could leave your job right now and remain financially secure, would you? If yes, start working out what’s required to do that and develop a timeline for making it happen.

  • Money is the only thing keeping you in your job.
  • You’re already saving up for the day you can leave.
  • You’ve dreamed of starting your own business but haven’t taken steps to learn what’s involved.

10. Your friends don’t recognize you anymore

The people closest to you can see that your job is taking its toll on you and not making you happy. They remember when you were enthusiastic, creative, and inspired to go out and achieve, and they don’t recognize the person always complaining. It’s time to take stock and start thinking about the person they used to know and how you can return to being that person.

  • You have less time for family and friends; when you do, you’re stressed and unhappy.
  • You don’t have the time or energy for the things that used to make you happy.
  • You’ve become so negative you’re a real drag to be around.

So now what?

You’re miserable; you know it’s time to change something, but you feel stuck and unable to move forward. Let’s break down what feels overwhelming into manageable steps.

First, ask yourself if the problem is the company, the industry, or the job itself.

  • If you think you would be happy doing your job but doing it somewhere else, think about working for another company.
  • If you believe this job will always leave you depressed, undervalued, and overworked, consider changing your profession.
  • If you’re in a dying industry that offers no opportunity to advance in your career, explore changing industries.

Your answers help you gain clarity about what to focus on changing.

Next month, we will talk about transferable skills that expand your career options. You have more to offer the world than you realize.

Poor Self-Image and Low Self-Confidence

Dirty Dozen #12

A negative self-image and low self-confidence are the root causes of each of “The Dirty Dozen” barriers to success I have written about over the past year. Increasing your confidence and improving your self-image make it possible for you to conquer the other eleven.

Self-Esteem vs. Self Confidence

It is essential to differentiate self-confidence from self-esteem. Self-esteem is the degree to which you value yourself. Self-confidence is the degree to which you value your abilities or capabilities. You can’t have one without the other. Developing a more positive self-image will increase your level of self-confidence, and increasing your self-confidence will improve your self-image.

Self-esteem is a state of mind, and it can be changed. Raising your self-esteem requires a combination of changing what you think and what you do. We increase our self-confidence by stretching beyond our comfort zone; if you don’t stretch, you don’t grow.

We Teach People How to Treat Us. How’s the World Treating You?

Feeling, thinking, and talking about yourself in a particular way creates the image you project to others and becomes a habit after a while. You can become so accustomed to putting yourself down that you don’t recognize when others do.

Beliefs create behaviors, and behaviors create the image you project to others. If you don’t respect and value yourself, others won’t respect you either. If you don’t believe you can take on new challenges, others won’t either, and new opportunities will go to someone else. This reinforces your negative beliefs about yourself and becomes a difficult cycle to break out of.

This is not to blame you but to help you realize that the beliefs you’ve developed over your lifetime create behaviors that determine how the world treats you. What are you not doing now because you don’t believe you can? What unacceptable behavior are you accepting from others because you think you must? What uncomfortable feeling would you like never to feel again?

Confidence vs. Arrogance

We often confuse confidence with arrogance, but it’s not the same.

  1. Arrogance is loud. Confidence is quiet.
  2. Arrogance is critical. Confidence is supportive.
  3. Arrogance has all the answers. Confidence knows that there are many choices.
  4. Arrogance is never wrong. Confidence doesn’t fear being wrong.
  5. Arrogance is judgmental of how others live their life. Confidence accepts that each
    person is unique and makes different choices, and that’s ok.
  6. Arrogance has a high need to control – everything. Confidence contributes to the
    situation without needing to control it.
  7. Arrogance has the solution to everybody’s problems. Confidence focuses on solving
    problems they own.

Confidence is the feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It is the energy and belief that you have in yourself that if you use your skills, knowledge, and special abilities towards your goals, you can achieve whatever you want. Most of all, you replace fear of what might happen with confidence in your ability to handle whatever does happen.

A Positive Self-Image and Increased Self-Confidence Defeat the “Dirty Dozen.”

As your level of confidence increases, your thinking and behavior will change. You will respond to situations and people from a position of strength.

  1. You won’t seek the approval of others because you understand it’s only their opinion, and yours is the one that matters.
  2. You’re not burdened with the need to be perfect because you realize no one is.
  3. Fear of failure will not hold you back because you know that experiencing failure is how you learn and grow.
  4. Rejection doesn’t devastate you because you understand that we are all rejected multiple times for multiple reasons. Something better is coming.
  5. You will make plans instead of excuses and be honest about what you do and don’t want to do.
  6. You won’t be paralyzed by indecisiveness from fear of making the wrong decision because you are confident that you will survive and learn from your bad choices.
  7. You no longer fear change and have the courage to move beyond your comfort zone to discover opportunities change creates.
  8. You aren’t stuck in the world of “if only” and can let go of the past to have the energy to create a better future.
  9. You don’t feel inferior to others because you understand that we each have our strengths and weaknesses, and our weaknesses don’t mean we’re inferior.
  10. You embrace the success you’ve worked hard to achieve and don’t need to hide or downplay your accomplishments, so others feel better.
  11. You don’t let the belief of “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” You take responsibility for creating the life you want. You embrace the belief of “Leap and the net will appear.”

Most of all, you replace fear of what might happen with confidence in your ability to handle whatever does happen.

The ABC Solution to Rethink, Reprogram, and Rebuild a More Positive View of You.

So, how do you develop the confidence to respond in the ways described above? The “ABC” steps described below will help you increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. Begin by applying the process to one of the dirty dozen that creates the most significant barrier for you.

Awareness is the first step to change. We may feel confident in some areas and when we’re with certain people and less confident with others and other situations. Become aware of situations where you feel less confident and how that feeling affects how you talk about yourself or if you talk at all. Do you feel diminished in their presence? Who are you with, what do they say and do, and how do you react? We teach people how to treat us. What lesson are you teaching? Answering the question, “How’s the world treating me,” is an excellent place to start identifying a pattern of behavior in certain situations that doesn’t bring you the desired results.

Beliefs create behaviors that become barriers to feeling confident. Question if your beliefs about yourself are true, false, fact, or fiction. What are you believing about yourself when you begin to feel uncomfortable? Is the belief based on what someone told you and you accepted as accurate? How do you know it’s true? It’s just a thought stuck in your head because you’ve repeated it to yourself repeatedly. Consider whether this belief affected your relationship and career choices and whether it’s true. What if it is true? You are much more than the situations in your life and the judgments of those around you.

Choice, Change, Control, & Courage:  There are things you can do to improve how you feel about yourself.

  • You choose your thoughts and actions. You can choose different thoughts and actions. You can refocus on your strengths rather than weaknesses.
  • You choose your behavior. You can choose to change your behavior to create a better outcome.
  • You choose how you react, adapt, and respond to circumstances that may have been beyond your control but still affect what you believe about yourself.
  • You choose to learn from past mistakes and commit to making better decisions.
  • You can’t always change how others treat you, but you can choose to surround yourself with people who treat you well.

Courage Is Required to Make the First Change

What if they don’t like you anymore? You will find people who do. What if they say you’re arrogant? You’ll know you are projecting a level of confidence they haven’t seen from you before. What if it feels uncomfortable? It will. That’s why you need courage. The key is to focus only on the first change, only on one of the dirty dozen. When you begin to see positive results, you can move on to the next one. A small change can lead to big results.

Stop Playing Small When You Were Meant To Be Big

            I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Marianne Williamson

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

I’m Too Old

Dirty Dozen #11

Using age as a reason for not doing something you want to do is no longer a valid excuse. We may have regrets about the things we didn’t do, but is it possible to do them now?

You may not climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest seas, or go skydiving, even though many people over 90 have.

 I’ll bet unfilled dreams are still floating around in your imagination that age is not a barrier to achieving, but the belief that you are too old prevents you from trying. You may not be able to do them the same way you would have when you were younger, but can you do them differently?

 Old is not so old anymore. We live longer and lead more active lives after retirement than previous generations. The Rolling Stones and many other performers in their 80s continue to perform on stage. Martha Stewart is over 80 and still made the cover of Sports Illustrated. I went on a world cruise a few years ago, and the average age is 82.

Age is a mindset. We used to joke about being “over the hill at 40,” but today, at 40, you’re barely starting the climb. People in their 30s and 40s can believe they are too old to make career changes and stay in a job they hate for another 30 years.

Stability and loyalty were once valued, and you were seen as a “job hopper” if you changed jobs too often. But did you know that people today change jobs on average every five years and are more likely to change careers entirely at age 39?

             Did you know that half of all new business owners are over 55? Many are taking their experience, skills, and wisdom gained from working all those years and starting a consulting business or buying a franchise.

The number of divorces among older married couples who once stayed in unhealthy relationships because they believed they were too old to start over are deciding to spend their golden years alone. The “gray divorce” is becoming more common, and the number of senior dating sites is growing.

I started college as an “older” student at 29, before going to college at any age was acceptable. Today, the average age of graduate students is 35.

Getting older is getting younger. Research shows that people in their 70s are the happiest and most content. If we stay healthy, we can have a Phase 3 or even a Phase 4 where approval doesn’t matter as much anymore. We feel more comfortable saying this is who I am, what I want to do, and who I want to have in my life.

There’s a saying that when you’re in your twenties, you’re so concerned with what people think; when you’re in your forties, you don’t care what people think; and when you’re in your sixties, you realize that no one was even thinking about you because they were too concerned with what you were thinking about them.

You’re not going to be any younger than you are today. You don’t want to look back five years from today and regret not doing what you now think you are too old to do.

You can make the rest of your life the best of your life no matter how old you are.