Tag: life

Everything I Know About Change I Learned From My Cats

When one door closes another one opens. Often we look so long at the one that’s closed we fail to see the one that’s opened.

Helen Keller

A few years ago, I started a new project that required me to live on the East Coast. My two cats, Jasmine and Ginger, and I flew cross-country to our temporary home. They were eager to escape from their cat carriers after our long flight. Following the advice of my vet, to introduce them to their new home one room at a time, I confined them initially to the bathroom and bedroom.

I closed the door to the living room and let each cat out of her carrier. Ginger immediately ran under the bed and didn’t venture out until the next day. Jasmine headed for the closed door, eager to discover what was on the other side. She wouldn’t take no for an answer so I opened the door to let her roam. She hesitantly placed one paw on the shiny wood floor to make sure it was safe and then took off and spent the next few hours exploring her new home, while Ginger continued to hide under the bed. They both experienced the same change but responded in different ways.

The thought struck me that cats have the same reaction to change as people. Some, like Jasmine, see change as an adventure and choose to explore the new world on the other side of the door. Others, like Ginger, prefer to hide under the bed and avoid experiencing anything different until forced to.

It’s not the change that makes the difference. It’s what we think about the change. It’s the internal battle between the fear of the unknown vs. the expectation that change will open the door to something better.

Continue reading “Everything I Know About Change I Learned From My Cats”

Life Lessons From The End Of The World

Getting away from it all sounds appealing when you’re rushing through life checking items off your “To Do” list and thinking you could have done each one of them a little better. How would it feel to be in a place that is calm, serene, silent, disconnected from the outside world, and where no one knows you well enough to ask anything of you?

I had the opportunity to find out last week as my cruise ship spent 7 days at sea between Buenos Aires and Ushuaia, Argentina – also known as the city at the end of the world.

Our scheduled stop in the Falkland Islands was cancelled due to bad weather. This added an extra two days to the already scheduled five days at sea to cruise around King George’s Island, Admiralty Bay, Paradise Bay, and Charlotte Bay in Antarctica; and to be completely disconnected from the world outside the ship.

Antarctica is virtually untouched by humans. Cruising is the only way to visit unless you’re on an expedition team.  For five days I felt like I was floating in an ethereal silent world of silver and white where it’s almost impossible to tell where the snow ends, and the water and sky begin. The only sound from my balcony was the crackling of the ice, similar to what you hear when you pour liquid over ice cubes. And this time of year, it doesn’t get dark at night, it just gets gray. Virtual daylight but little sunshine 24×7.

There was a constant parade of icebergs of all shapes and sizes and large chunks of glacier ice passing in front of my balcony. The glacier ice is underlit by a neon blue light caused by the amount of ice visible under water. It looks man-made but is natural, God-made, and truly beautiful. It’s almost hypnotic to watch it all.

The cruise ship was the only vessel on the water, and other than an occasional spotting of whales, colonies of Penguins and an Albatross flying by, we were completely alone. Even though I was accompanied by 1300 people on the cruise, when I was standing on my balcony surrounded by snow, water, and sky, I felt completely alone.

Antarctica is a place people go to be unreachable. Internet connections were impossible, phone calls extremely difficult, and we had no TV reception on days when there was a lot going on. In this world of constant connection and news 24 x 7, what’s a person to do when you can’t connect?  How do you get through the day without knowing what’s going on in the world? What do you do when no one needs you to do anything?

Not being able to connect with the outside world made me feel uncomfortable. I found myself checking my phone to see if it was working and trying to log on to the internet much too frequently.  I was surrounded by beauty and yet I just didn’t seem to be able to let go of the need to connect, even though there was no urgent reason why I needed to.  I think constantly checking our phone for messages is another one of those habits we develop without fully understanding why. It’s difficult to stop even though you say that you really want to get away from it all.

I finally realized I was wasting too much time trying to fix something that wasn’t fixable. Wouldn’t it be better to stop resisting reality and enjoy where I was? After all, I was in Antarctica and heading to Ushuaia, the city known as the end of the world, and likely won’t come this way again. Wouldn’t it be better to fully experience the world I was in and enjoy the present moment?

The lesson I took away from this experience was to stop doing what clearly isn’t working. Relaxing and accepting reality of the moment is a much better choice than fighting the impossible. How many times do we continue to but our head against the wall of something we don’t like but can’t change?

The feeling of being cut off and unable to communicate didn’t feel good, but it wasn’t within my power to fix. Continuing to try only increased my frustration and prevented me from enjoying the beauty of the moment.

To simply stop doing what clearly isn’t working may sound too simple but often what sounds simple isn’t easy to do.  

Something to think about.

Mastering The Art Of Doing Nothing

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or play, try pausing and asking yourself these two questions. It could be the first step to making life more enjoyable and less stressful.

My vision of what life would be like on a four-month cruise included not making a bed, doing laundry, or cooking; visiting amazing places around the world; relaxing on my balcony with coffee delivered by room service every morning and a glass of wine at sunset; and, sitting by the pool with a book in one hand and a Pina Colada in the other on the days we were at sea. It would be the first time in my life when I could completely relax and enjoy doing nothing after 35+ years of a pretty demanding career with only an occasional one-or two-week vacation. The thought that transitioning to doing nothing might be difficult, never entered my mind.  

I’m beginning the fifth week of my 18-week cruise, and I must confess that I’ve flunked doing nothing.

The cruise began with four days at sea, plenty of time to learn my way around the ship, visit the spa, fitness center, beauty salon, shops, two swimming pools, movie theater, dining room, casino, library, and have a drink at each of the 7 bars. Every night we receive a schedule of the next day’s activities that include a minimum of four options for every hour from 9 am until 7:30 pm. Live entertainment begins at 7:30 pm and continues until 11 pm. Then, there’s dancing at a couple of the bars that goes past midnight. I wanted to do it all, because it sounded like fun and I didn’t know how to do nothing.

After four days of going nonstop from sunrise to midnight, I realized I was tired, and we hadn’t even made the first stop on our itinerary. What am I doing, I asked myself, didn’t I come on this cruise to relax and visit wonderful places around the world?  It’s great that there are so many activities offered on the ship the days we are at sea, but I don’t have to participate in all of them. I didn’t come on the cruise to learn to line dance or do arts and crafts, and It really is ok to relax, do nothing, and save my energy to explore the wonderful places I came on the cruise to see.

Since leaving Ft. Lauderdale on January 4th, we’ve stopped in Dominica; St Lucia; Belem, Recife, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Uruguay; and, Buenos Aires, Argentina. My favorite so far is Uruguay with Buenos Aires a close second. I believe Uruguay is a hidden gem most Americans don’t think about visiting. Antarctica and Chile are next on the itinerary and then we head over to New Zealand and Australia at the end of February. There’s plenty to see and do when I’m exploring places I haven’t been before and then relax and do nothing, other than decide what to eat and what to wear when we are at sea. So, that’s what I’ve decided to do.

I’m beginning to feel more comfortable just relaxing. My days at sea begin with coffee on my balcony and a 2 mile walk around the ship. After that, I just go with the flow. I don’t feel the need to keep busy every hour, which is a change for me. Before the cruise I was always thinking about what I had to do or must do and somedays feeling overwhelmed and unable to get it all done. Even though life on a four-month cruise is very different, I came on the cruise and repeated that same “must do everything” behavior that felt natural to me.

Changing behavior is always a challenge, and the transition to a new behavior feels strange. To keep me focused on the desired behavior I’m asking, “do I really have to do this, do I really want to do this?”  Often the answer is no, and I’m free to relax. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or play, try pausing and asking yourself the same two questions. It could be the first step to making life more enjoyable and less stressful.

Will this new behavior last? Will I be able to master the art of doing nothing? Or, will I find that doing nothing is overrated and strike a balance between doing too much and not enough? I have three months left to find out.