Category: Relationships

Am I Letting Go or Am I Giving Up

As we grow older, reflection becomes inevitable. We may begin to ask ourselves: Have I done enough? Is there more I should be striving for, or is it time to be content? Have I climbed all the mountains I was meant to climb, or should I still be chasing new summits?

Lately, I’ve found myself confronting a vision I once had for this phase of life — a vision that may no longer be realistic. Accepting that is difficult for someone like me, whose philosophy has always been that many things in life are difficult, but few are impossible. I’ve always believed that with enough determination, any goal could be achieved. When something starts to feel out of reach, letting go can feel like I’m giving up.

But is that really the case?

We’ve all seen people in leadership roles hold on long past their time. Staying too long can diminish the impact of their legacy. Letting go, in these cases, could have been a wiser and more dignified decision.

And it’s not just about careers. How many of us have held on to relationships, roles, or dreams long after they stopped serving us? Sometimes, we persist in situations that are clearly no longer working because walking away feels like failure.

We often create a vision of how life should be. But life has a way of shifting — through unexpected challenges, changing priorities, or simply time. When that vision no longer aligns with our reality, we face a difficult choice: Do we keep striving toward what might no longer be possible, or do we accept a new version of life?

Is acceptance the same as surrender? Is letting go a sign of wisdom — or a sign of giving up?

Understanding the difference between the two is key. Here’s how I’ve come to define them:

  • Letting Go is a conscious, intentional decision made after reflection and clarity. It’s about releasing attachments, beliefs, or situations that no longer serve your well-being, to make space for new possibilities. It can bring peace, relief, and a renewed sense of purpose.
  • Giving Up is often reactive. It’s driven by discouragement, fear, self-doubt, or external pressure. It involves abandoning effort and can leave us feeling powerless or regretful, reinforcing a sense of failure.

The difference lies in the motivation behind the choice — and the impact it has on your well-being.

Ask yourself:

  • Does holding on bring you hope, joy, and inspiration?
  • Or does it feel heavy, frustrating, and burdensome?
  • Are you driven by passion — or by fear?

Letting go isn’t weakness. It isn’t quitting. It’s choosing to stop pouring your energy into what no longer brings you joy. It’s choosing peace over struggle, clarity over confusion. Most importantly, it’s choosing to trust that releasing something doesn’t mean you’re left with nothing — it just means you’re making room for something new.

The process of accepting life as it is — rather than as you once imagined it — does not mean you’ve been defeated. Acceptance allows us to find gratitude for what we do have instead of despair over what we’ve lost or were never able to achieve.

Ultimately, whether you decide to let go or to hold on, do it with intention. Understand why you’re making the choice. Evaluate the cost to your mental, emotional, and physical health. And be honest about what you’re fighting for — or what you’re fighting against.

Every decision we make shapes our future. So, choose with clarity. Choose with courage. And above all, choose what honors your growth

The Love of a Pet: A Valentine’s Day Tribute to Our Furry Companions

While Valentine’s Day is often associated with romantic love, there’s another kind of love that deserves celebrating—one that is loyal, pure, and unwavering: the love between humans and their pets.

Whether it’s a devoted dog’s wagging tail or a contented cat’s gentle purr, pets offer us companionship, joy, and an unconditional bond that enriches our lives every day. Pets are more than just animals; they are family, friends, and our most loyal confidants. 

Two years ago, in a moment of insanity and a feeling that it was now or never, my husband and I decided to get a dog. Our reasoning, based on denial, was that if we didn’t get one now, we would be too old to take care of one. What we soon learned, however, was that we were already too old.

We fell in love with a six-week-old golden retriever we named Jackie and took her home to live with us. We soon found ourselves wondering how such a tiny bundle of joy could create such delightful chaos.

My standards for a clean house fell quickly. Shredded puppy pads became part of the décor, and protecting our socks and shoes became our new way of life.

We learned to identify people in our neighborhood who were “dog people” and to avoid those who weren’t. The Dog Park became our social life, and Jackie soon became its queen. Before running off to play with the dogs, she would greet each dog’s parents with friendliness, which always resulted in a belly rub or pat on the head. Our challenge was chasing Jackie around the park when we were ready to go home because she was never ready.

I began reading about dogs’ developmental stages, so I would know what to expect next and be reassured that our current stage wouldn’t last forever. 

We attended puppy training classes that Jackie thought were play time but made us feel like failures as parents. In her first four-week training class, she barked from the beginning to the end of every session while the other dogs sat quietly beside their parents. I’m sure the teacher gave her a passing grade to get rid of her.

We’ve survived 25 months with Jackie, and oh, the joy she has brought us. We can be gone for 30 minutes, and she will greet us as if we have been gone for 30 days. She always gives us something to laugh about, and her love is unconditional. She sits between us on the sofa at night while we’re watching TV and alternates whose face she will lick next.  Woe to you if you sneeze in her presence. All seventy pounds of her will be in your lap with her nose in your face, ensuring you’re ok.

One of the most remarkable aspects of the human-pet relationship is the unwavering loyalty and affection it provides. Unlike human relationships, which can be complex and sometimes unpredictable, pets love without judgment or condition. They are always there to greet us after a long day, comfort us when we’re feeling down, and celebrate with us in our happiest moments.

Beyond the emotional joy pets bring, they also contribute significantly to our well-being. Studies have shown that pet ownership can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and even improve heart health. Petting an animal releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and happiness, while also decreasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

For those who suffer from anxiety or depression, pets provide a sense of purpose and routine. They encourage physical activity—whether it’s taking a dog for a walk or playing with a cat—which can boost mental health. Their presence can alleviate feelings of loneliness, providing comfort and companionship in times of need.

To experience the love of a pet, you must also be prepared to accept its loss. I’m told that the pain of losing a pet softens over time, leaving behind a bittersweet reminder of the joy they brought. The loss of my 20-year-old cat, Jasmine, is too recent for me to know for sure.

I adopted Jasmine when she was just a few months old. She was an adventuresome cat I often rescued from the trees beside my balcony. We frequently flew coast to coast together when my consulting business required me to live in other locations for a year or so. Taking an adventuresome cat through airport security is not easy. No matter where I was and what was happening in my life, Jasmine was always there with me. I miss her every day.

Though our pet may no longer be physically by our side, the love we shared endures. Memories of their playfulness and loving companionship are engraved in our hearts as a testament to an unbreakable connection that forever enriches our souls.  

Valentine’s Day is about expressing love; our pets do this every day without words. Their loyalty, companionship, and affection remind us of the beauty of simple, unconditional love. This Valentine’s Day, let’s cherish the love our pets give us so freely—because, in their eyes, every day is a celebration of love.

Let them know how much they mean to you, whether it’s an extra treat, a longer walk, or quiet cuddle time. And if you don’t have a pet, consider rescuing one—somewhere, a pet waiting for you who needs your love, and maybe you need theirs. 

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Living With The Question Mark

I brought a journal with me thinking I would write down my thoughts and insights about my future as I’m making this 128-day voyage around the world.  I drew a question mark – a big one  – ? on the first page to indicate that the next decade of my life is somewhat undefined.

In his new book  “When,” Daniel Pink defines“9-enders,” as people in the last year of a life decade who experience a desire to evaluate their life, how they feel about what they have and haven’t accomplished, and how they want to experience life in the next decade. I, like many of my clients, fall into to the category of “9-enders.”

I’ve always had a vision of what my life would be like “next, ”but never really had a plan for how that would happen. I just had faith that my vision would become my reality and the details of “how” would take care of themselves, and they did. The question mark was never about what I wanted but instead about how I would achieve it.

I’m 64 days into the cruise and that question mark is all I’ve written in my journal. However, I’m beginning to think the question mark was an accurate indicator of my future because, not only do I not know where I’m going next with my life, I don’t know where this cruise ship is going next. The Corona Virus is wreaking havoc with our itinerary.

Continue reading “Living With The Question Mark”

Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?

What’s the solution when one partner strongly wants to do something the other strongly doesn’t? What advice would relationship experts give to couples facing such a dilemma? The moment I considered the possibility of going on a four-month cruise around the world I knew my husband would not be going. If I went, I would be going without him.

The moment I considered the possibility of going on a four-month cruise around the world I knew my husband would not be going. If I went, I would be going without him.

The timing was good for me but taking four months off work wouldn’t work for him and being confined to a cruise ship with 1300 strangers for that long just isn’t his thing. Should I not go because it meant being apart for four months; and, if I did go, how would being apart for that long affect our relationship?

Many women of my generation grew up in a culture where the husband led, and the wife followed. He made the money and the decisions. It would be unheard of for a wife to go on a four-month cruise without her husband. It just wasn’t done. She would be told that if she left her husband alone for that long she might not have a husband to come home to; and, it would have been a rare man of that generation who would have “allowed” his wife to go without him.

Sounds archaic I know, and much more like a dictatorship than a relationship, but that’s the way life was back then. Relationships today are much more of an equal partnership, aren’t they? Or, are they? The reaction others have had when they learned I was going on the cruise without Dan was interesting. I got a look that said: “really, you’re actually going to do that,” and Dan got a look that said, “and you’re going to let her?” When people on the cruise learn I’m traveling without my husband their reactions are typically the same combination of you are? and he let you? 

What’s the solution when one partner strongly wants to do something the other strongly doesn’t? What advice would relationship experts give to couples facing such a dilemma? I’m not sure because we didn’t ask any. I think a healthy relationship is one where the partners can have open honest conversations and make the decision that’s best for them regardless of what others think.

A relationship consists of two independent people who have chosen to share a life, but does that require each to give up their own? A happy relationship is not a dictatorship with one person making the decisions and the other person giving in, giving up, and going along to keep the peace.  That only creates resentment for what you gave up and blame for making me. “If it hadn’t been for you, I could have.”  It’s not a relationship based on fear of losing the other person but on trust that I can be me, you can be you, and together we will form a partnership that will endure time spent apart.

Do I want to be away from my husband for four months? No. Does he want me to be away for that long? No. But, making the decision to travel around the world means we will spend 128 days apart and that’s not easy. We talk every day and sometimes twice a day if possible, with time zone differences. He follows my itinerary and researches the places I’m visiting. I send him pictures and share what I’m learning. He may not be with me in person, but I feel like we’re sharing this amazing experience.

Will absence make the heart grow fonder? I only have 96 days left to confirm that it will – not that I’m counting.

Next blog topic: “Hello from the End of the World.”  Adventures in Antarctica

It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Mate

Everyone has a story that I’m curious to hear, learn from, and share with you. Last week I met a woman named Maggie and am sharing her story with you to illustrate that if you’re open to exploring new places, meeting new people, and embracing new ideas, you can create a new life after the one you never wanted to end has ended.

I’m cruising around the world with 1300 people I don’t know. For the next four months, I’m living in a community of neighbors of all ages from multiple countries who have multiple reasons for making this journey. For some, it’s their first world cruise, and for others, it’s their 7th or 8th.  The oldest passenger is 98 and on his 28th world cruise.

Everyone has a story that I’m curious to hear, learn from, and share with you.  Last week I met a woman named Maggie and am sharing her story with you to illustrate that if you’re open to exploring new places, meeting new people, and embracing new ideas, you can create a new life after the one you never wanted to end has ended.

Maggie lives in Portland, Maine and lost her husband after a 40-plus year happy marriage. She was miserable, depressed and basically didn’t leave her home for 15 months following his death. After losing four of her close friends over a three month time period, she decided she had to make a drastic change, or she would die too. At 72 and still, in good health, she believed the time was now or never.

Her current environment was keeping her stuck in a life that was only a memory. A change of location, free of opinions of those around her about who she was and how she should live her life, was essential to create a future without her husband. So, she decided to go alone on a cruise around the world. That takes courage for someone who had never travelled alone in her life.

The first few weeks were difficult, and she was sure she had made a huge mistake until she met Larry, who lives in San Diego, California, on one of the shore excursions. Larry had recently lost his wife of many happy years and was also cruising alone. They had a nice conversation and decided to meet for dinner the next evening, and the next, and the next. 

At the end of the cruise, Larry went back to his west coast home and Maggie went back to her east coast home, but before leaving the ship they decided to book the next cruise – a shorter one – together. They both loved cruising, were compatible travel companions, and could save considerable money by sharing a cabin, so they became cruise mates.

They’re enjoying their third year of cruising and are currently on their second cruise around the world.  At the end of every cruise Maggie goes back to her home and Larry goes back to his, until the next cruise. It’s an arrangement that wouldn’t work for everyone but works well for them, and that’s all that matters.

What can we learn from their story?

1.       The power of choice. Life is a series of endings and beginnings. Like Maggie, you may experience an ending you didn’t choose and for a time believe you’ll never be happy again. You can choose to hang onto a life that continues to exist only in your memory or choose instead to explore options available to you that support how you want to experience life in this phase of your life.

2.       The power of a new environment. Change changes you and creates an opportunity to redefine who you are and what you want. That’s difficult to do in an environment that supports who you were. Staying in the same place with the same people when you’re no longer the same person doesn’t feel right because you no longer fit. A change of view helps you create a new view of you and opens your mind to possibilities you can’t see in your current environment.

3.       The power of “yes.” Flexibility creates opportunities while living your life guided by outdated rigid fear-based rules – often prefaced by the word “should” — only creates limits. You can say “no” at any moment you realize something new isn’t working. At least be willing to open a door to what could turn out to be something wonderful by saying “yes.”

4.       The power of relationships to move you forward or keep you stuck. Bringing new people into your life who don’t see you the way you’ve always been and criticize you if you do anything other than what they consider appropriate, is essential. Just as important is defining what relationship means to you at this stage of your life. Not every relationship has to be a forever relationship. I believe that being open to saying “yes” to relationships in many forms enriches your life and opens doors to possibilities you never imagined.

 

It’s never too late to find your mate!