Inferiority Complex

Dirty Dozen #10

I was a shy sixteen-year-old, feeling inferior in every possible way, the summer I worked at our local hospital. The Director of Nursing was a strong loud woman dressed in the white starched uniform nurses wore back then. I felt more inferior in her presence than in the doctors. Whenever I saw her coming, I would turn and go the other direction.

One day she stopped beside me, put her arm around my shoulder and said: “I want you to look at my shoes.” I immediately thought something was wrong with mine and expected to be reprimanded. Instead, her words taught me a valuable lesson that has served me well throughout my career.

She said: “when I get up in the morning, I put my shoes on the same way you do – one foot at a time. You have no reason to be afraid of me. The only difference between us is that I have a different title. You could be running this hospital one day and I would be working for you.”

“Wow,” I thought. “There’s nothing wrong with my shoes? She doesn’t think I’m young and stupid? She doesn’t believe I’m inferior to her, we just have a different title. She saw potential that my inferiority complex prevented me from seeing, and a future that I couldn’t imagine. She made me feel important not inferior.

 In that moment, I started seeing myself differently. My self-image began to change from a shy sixteen-year-old to a young woman becoming more confident she could achieve whatever she desired if she was willing to work for it. My title reflected my current role, not my future possibilities.

When I felt inferior around certain people from that point on, I would ask myself why? The answer was often that they had a different title, graduated from a more prestigious school, had more money, or some other reason that meant we had different life experiences, but didn’t mean either of us was inferior to the other.

An inferiority complex is a belief that you are not enough. You compare yourself to others and feel “less than” in multiple ways. You feel inadequate, insecure, and physically or mentally inferior to others. You believe that you neither deserve nor can create the life you want.  It’s a belief that can affect your self-esteem, confidence, relationships, and overall happiness.

There are many possible causes of an inferiority complex. As a child your parents or teachers may have compared you to others and asked: “why can’t you be more like ___? Social pressure, unrealistic expectations, and negative self-talk are also probable causes. However, you can overcome feeling inferior and begin to feel more confident and worthy of the life you want.

We can’t undo what was said to us in the past or avoid living in an environment where we are continually compared to others in multiple ways. When you were a child, you believed that what adults said was true. As an adult you can question the validity of what others say to you and about you. There are actions you can take that will help you manage and overcome an inferiority complex:

1. First, question why someone would make a comment that is insulting, critical, or makes you feel bad in some way? What could their motivation be other than to control you by making you feel “less than.” Question the validity of what you hear from others.
   
2. Soar with your strengths. Instead of focusing on what you lack focus on what you do have and what you can do. Make a list of your strengths and accomplishments and remind yourself of them often, especially when you are feeling “less than.”
   
3. Recognize your unique qualities. Everyone has something special and valuable to offer to the world. Your talents, skills, personality, and choices make you who you are. There is only one you.
   
4. End the negative self-talk. Don’t say things to yourself about yourself that you would never want your children – or someone you love – to say about themselves. The way you talk to yourself can have a big impact on how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve. Drown out the critic in your head.
   
5. Stop comparing yourself to others. If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will reinforce your feelings of inferiority. Instead of criticizing, judging, or belittling yourself, the moment you have a negative thought, replace it with a positive thought, such as “I am capable”, “I am worthy.” “I am enough”.
   
6. Set realistic goals. Change happens in small steps. Goals can help you grow and improve yourself, and should be challenging, but also attainable and meaningful. If you set goals that are unrealistic, you will only set yourself up for failure and disappointment. If you set goals that are too low or irrelevant, you will not challenge yourself or feel satisfied. Find a balance between what you want and what you can do to move beyond your comfort zone. Celebrate your progress along the way.
   
7. Make time for activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, hobbies, relaxation, volunteering, or socializing. When you neglect your physical, mental, and emotional needs, you will feel more stressed, tired, and unhappy. When you prioritize your well-being, you will feel more energized, balanced, and happy.
   
8. Seek out people who are at a level you want to achieve, to be your mentor and/or coach. Share your dreams and feelings of never being able to achieve those dreams because you believe you are inferior in some way. They can offer you objective feedback, encouragement, and advice. You may also learn that at one time they felt the same way you do now.  
   
9. Realize that we all have moments when we feel “less than.” If you’re constantly comparing yourself to others, you will find that you are inferior or superior in some way.  Someone is likely comparing themselves to you and wishing they had some ability that you take for granted.

These are some of the ways to overcome an inferiority complex and begin to feel more confident. Remember that you are not alone in feeling inadequate, we all have our moments of self-doubt and belief that we are not enough. We all have the critic inside our head. And we can choose not to listen.

There is nothing wrong with you other than the way you see yourself. The truth is that you are a valuable and unique person who deserves respect and happiness. So, start acting like one. The world needs someone just like you.