Fear of success may not sound like a legitimate concern to some. Why would we work so hard to make our dreams come true and when we are right at the point of succeeding, we do something to sabotage ourselves?
It is not the accomplishment that is scary, it is the fear of what success might ultimately cost you. How will success affect your relationships? Your lifestyle? Will you have to work long hours to maintain the level of success you have achieved? Success can mean more public exposure, greater responsibilities, and more pressure, both from yourself and others.
If you fear success, you may place obstacles in your path that decrease your chances of succeeding. This can range from minor acts of self-sabotage to self-destructive behaviors.
Sabotaging behavior is not always easy to spot, but it is quite common. You see it in relationships, when one person gets uncomfortable with how fast or serious it is progressing, they will often engage in behavior that sabotages the relationship.
Ifyou suspect that you might be afraid of success, you probably are. If you think you have sabotaged yourself, you probably have.
Do any of the symptoms of a fear of success described below feel familiar to you?
- Imposter Syndrome: You believe you were just lucky. Or you have fooled everyone into believing you are more competent than you are. You believe success will not last because you will eventually fail, fall down the career ladder, and they will realize you aren’t smart after all.
- Fear of change: Success requires you to move out of your comfort zone and make changes that you and your family may be uncomfortable making. You let opportunities pass you by to avoid the disruption.
- Lack of goals: You may be afraid that you will not achieve your goals so why set yourself up for failure or success? By just letting life happen to you, you ensure that you never make any real headway toward success.
- Giving up: You derail success by quitting right before you are about to succeed. This becomes a cycle of quitting and starting over but never moving beyond the level of success that allows you to stay in your comfort zone.
5. You tend to blend in: You have a fear of being in the spotlight, so you keep a low profile, seldom speaking up or expressing your opinions. You feel safe being one among many. If attention makes you uncomfortable, you will not want to open yourself up to criticism or risk embarrassing yourself if you fail.
6. Procrastination: Putting things off until the last possible moment means that you are not doing your best work which can lower the probability of success. You make excuses instead of progress. Excuses are cover-ups for fear, and when you fear success, you usually equally fear failure. Procrastinating and making excuses allow you to avoid success and failure.
7. Guilt: You feel guilty about any success you achieve, no matter how small, because your friends, family, or co-workers haven’t had the same success. You downplay or never talk about your accomplishments because your success might make them feel bad.
8. Low Self-Esteem: Your self-sabotage your dreams by convincing yourself that you are not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, you are just not enough. You believe that you do not deserve to enjoy success in your life
9. Self–doubt: Even people who appear confident can have doubts. One thing I learned when I moved up the ladder to work with C-level and senior level executives is that people at the top can feel just as inadequate as people at the bottom.
10. Childhood Experiences: If you were told to not talk about your accomplishments because that was bragging, someone criticized your choices and called you uppity for thinking beyond the accomplishments of your family, you believed what they said and stifled your dreams. You are likely to worry about leaving people behind if you move forward. Sometimes we fear success because of the potential social or relationship repercussions.
11. Fear of not living up to expectations: Just like family and/or friends can make you feel guilty for aspiring to achieve too much, they can also place pressure on you to achieve their dreams, live up to their expectations and make you feel guilty when you don’t.
If you can identify with one or more of the symptoms of fear of success described above, you can look back over your life and see a pattern of behavior that created barriers and prevented you from achieving the life you aspire to live.
There was a time in my life when many of the symptoms of a fear of success applied to me. I was able to break the pattern, but it was not easy to do. I had to risk damaging relationships and accept being different from those around me and having aspirations that others did not have.
You can break this pattern too if you really want to. Changing behavior isn’t easy but it’s not impossible. The more you face your fears and analyze them rationally, the more likely you are to weaken your fears and your reluctance to pursue your goals.
Take a realistic look at what will happen if you succeed. Do not look at what you hope will happen, or what you fear will happen. Instead, look at what is likely to happen.
- How will my friends and family react if I accomplish this goal?
- How will my life change?
- What is the worst that could happen if I achieve this goal?
- What is the best thing that could happen?
- Why do I feel that I do not deserve to accomplish this goal?
- How motivated am I to work toward this goal?
- What am I currently doing to sabotage, or hurt, my own efforts?
- How can I stop those self-sabotaging behaviors?
Sometimes people will react negatively to your success, particularly if they have been perceived as being more successful in the past. If you lose those friends, you will make new ones who will not be threatened by your success and will encourage you to pursue your goals.
Stop holding yourself back. You were not given the desire to aspire for more unless you have the skills and talent to make it happen. You live with the consequences of the choices you make. Make the ones that will turn you into the person you were meant to be.
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