Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?

The moment I considered the possibility of going on a four-month cruise around the world I knew my husband would not be going. If I went, I would be going without him.

The timing was good for me but taking four months off work wouldn’t work for him and being confined to a cruise ship with 1300 strangers for that long just isn’t his thing. Should I not go because it meant being apart for four months; and, if I did go, how would being apart for that long affect our relationship?

Many women of my generation grew up in a culture where the husband led, and the wife followed. He made the money and the decisions. It would be unheard of for a wife to go on a four-month cruise without her husband. It just wasn’t done. She would be told that if she left her husband alone for that long she might not have a husband to come home to; and, it would have been a rare man of that generation who would have “allowed” his wife to go without him.

Sounds archaic I know, and much more like a dictatorship than a relationship, but that’s the way life was back then. Relationships today are much more of an equal partnership, aren’t they? Or, are they? The reaction others have had when they learned I was going on the cruise without Dan was interesting. I got a look that said: “really, you’re actually going to do that,” and Dan got a look that said, “and you’re going to let her?” When people on the cruise learn I’m traveling without my husband their reactions are typically the same combination of you are? and he let you? 

What’s the solution when one partner strongly wants to do something the other strongly doesn’t? What advice would relationship experts give to couples facing such a dilemma? I’m not sure because we didn’t ask any. I think a healthy relationship is one where the partners can have open honest conversations and make the decision that’s best for them regardless of what others think.

A relationship consists of two independent people who have chosen to share a life, but does that require each to give up their own? A happy relationship is not a dictatorship with one person making the decisions and the other person giving in, giving up, and going along to keep the peace.  That only creates resentment for what you gave up and blame for making me. “If it hadn’t been for you, I could have.”  It’s not a relationship based on fear of losing the other person but on trust that I can be me, you can be you, and together we will form a partnership that will endure time spent apart.

Do I want to be away from my husband for four months? No. Does he want me to be away for that long? No. But, making the decision to travel around the world means we will spend 128 days apart and that’s not easy. We talk every day and sometimes twice a day if possible, with time zone differences. He follows my itinerary and researches the places I’m visiting. I send him pictures and share what I’m learning. He may not be with me in person, but I feel like we’re sharing this amazing experience.

Will absence make the heart grow fonder? I only have 96 days left to confirm that it will – not that I’m counting.

Next blog topic: “Hello from the End of the World.”  Adventures in Antarctica