I came on a cruise to see new places and have new experiences, and this week didn’t disappoint. I was stung by a bee on a beach in Tahiti, learned our itinerary is changing due to the Corona Virus, and lost Wednesday.
I came on a cruise to see new places and have new experiences, and this week didn’t disappoint. I was stung by a bee on a beach in Tahiti, learned our itinerary is changing due to the Corona Virus, and lost Wednesday.
I went to sleep Tuesday night, February 25th and woke up on Thursday morning, February 27th. No, I didn’t sleep through Wednesday because Wednesday, February 26th didn’t exist on our cruise ship this week. We crossed the international date line on our way to New Zealand and Wednesday, February 26th disappeared.
On Tuesday the captain reminded us to advance our clock 23 hours. This sounds like a big change, and it is the loss of a day, but if I think about it in a different way, I realize it’s only a one-hour change to my day-to-day schedule. It’s the same process we follow every Autumn in the US when we set the clocks back one hour and have an earlier sunrise and sunset.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or play, try pausing and asking yourself these two questions. It could be the first step to making life more enjoyable and less stressful.
My vision of what life would be like on a four-month cruise included not making a bed, doing laundry, or cooking; visiting amazing places around the world; relaxing on my balcony with coffee delivered by room service every morning and a glass of wine at sunset; and, sitting by the pool with a book in one hand and a Pina Colada in the other on the days we were at sea. It would be the first time in my life when I could completely relax and enjoy doing nothing after 35+ years of a pretty demanding career with only an occasional one-or two-week vacation. The thought that transitioning to doing nothing might be difficult, never entered my mind.
I’m beginning the fifth week of my 18-week cruise, and I must confess that I’ve flunked doing nothing.
The cruise began with four days at sea, plenty of time to learn my way around the ship, visit the spa, fitness center, beauty salon, shops, two swimming pools, movie theater, dining room, casino, library, and have a drink at each of the 7 bars. Every night we receive a schedule of the next day’s activities that include a minimum of four options for every hour from 9 am until 7:30 pm. Live entertainment begins at 7:30 pm and continues until 11 pm. Then, there’s dancing at a couple of the bars that goes past midnight. I wanted to do it all, because it sounded like fun and I didn’t know how to do nothing.
After four days of going nonstop from sunrise to midnight, I realized I was tired, and we hadn’t even made the first stop on our itinerary. What am I doing, I asked myself, didn’t I come on this cruise to relax and visit wonderful places around the world? It’s great that there are so many activities offered on the ship the days we are at sea, but I don’t have to participate in all of them. I didn’t come on the cruise to learn to line dance or do arts and crafts, and It really is ok to relax, do nothing, and save my energy to explore the wonderful places I came on the cruise to see.
Since leaving Ft. Lauderdale on January 4th, we’ve stopped in Dominica; St Lucia; Belem, Recife, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Uruguay; and, Buenos Aires, Argentina. My favorite so far is Uruguay with Buenos Aires a close second. I believe Uruguay is a hidden gem most Americans don’t think about visiting. Antarctica and Chile are next on the itinerary and then we head over to New Zealand and Australia at the end of February. There’s plenty to see and do when I’m exploring places I haven’t been before and then relax and do nothing, other than decide what to eat and what to wear when we are at sea. So, that’s what I’ve decided to do.
I’m beginning to feel more comfortable just relaxing. My days at sea begin with coffee on my balcony and a 2 mile walk around the ship. After that, I just go with the flow. I don’t feel the need to keep busy every hour, which is a change for me. Before the cruise I was always thinking about what I had to do or must do and somedays feeling overwhelmed and unable to get it all done. Even though life on a four-month cruise is very different, I came on the cruise and repeated that same “must do everything” behavior that felt natural to me.
Changing behavior is always a challenge, and the transition to a new behavior feels strange. To keep me focused on the desired behavior I’m asking, “do I really have to do this, do I really want to do this?” Often the answer is no, and I’m free to relax. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by work or play, try pausing and asking yourself the same two questions. It could be the first step to making life more enjoyable and less stressful.
Will this new behavior last? Will I be able to master the art of doing nothing? Or, will I find that doing nothing is overrated and strike a balance between doing too much and not enough? I have three months left to find out.
Everyone has a story that I’m curious to hear, learn from, and share with you. Last week I met a woman named Maggie and am sharing her story with you to illustrate that if you’re open to exploring new places, meeting new people, and embracing new ideas, you can create a new life after the one you never wanted to end has ended.
I’m cruising around the world with 1300 people I don’t know. For the next four months, I’m living in a community of neighbors of all ages from multiple countries who have multiple reasons for making this journey. For some, it’s their first world cruise, and for others, it’s their 7th or 8th. The oldest passenger is 98 and on his 28th world cruise.
Everyone has a story that I’m curious to hear, learn from, and share with you. Last week I met a woman named Maggie and am sharing her story with you to illustrate that if you’re open to exploring new places, meeting new people, and embracing new ideas, you can create a new life after the one you never wanted to end has ended.
Maggie lives in Portland, Maine and lost her husband after a 40-plus year happy marriage. She was miserable, depressed and basically didn’t leave her home for 15 months following his death. After losing four of her close friends over a three month time period, she decided she had to make a drastic change, or she would die too. At 72 and still, in good health, she believed the time was now or never.
Her current environment was keeping her stuck in a life that was only a memory. A change of location, free of opinions of those around her about who she was and how she should live her life, was essential to create a future without her husband. So, she decided to go alone on a cruise around the world. That takes courage for someone who had never travelled alone in her life.
The first few weeks were difficult, and she was sure she had made a huge mistake until she met Larry, who lives in San Diego, California, on one of the shore excursions. Larry had recently lost his wife of many happy years and was also cruising alone. They had a nice conversation and decided to meet for dinner the next evening, and the next, and the next.
At the end of the cruise, Larry went back to his west coast home and Maggie went back to her east coast home, but before leaving the ship they decided to book the next cruise – a shorter one – together. They both loved cruising, were compatible travel companions, and could save considerable money by sharing a cabin, so they became cruise mates.
They’re enjoying their third year of cruising and are currently on their second cruise around the world. At the end of every cruise Maggie goes back to her home and Larry goes back to his, until the next cruise. It’s an arrangement that wouldn’t work for everyone but works well for them, and that’s all that matters.
What can we learn from their story?
1. The power of choice. Life is a series of endings and beginnings. Like Maggie, you may experience an ending you didn’t choose and for a time believe you’ll never be happy again. You can choose to hang onto a life that continues to exist only in your memory or choose instead to explore options available to you that support how you want to experience life in this phase of your life.
2. The power of a new environment. Change changes you and creates an opportunity to redefine who you are and what you want. That’s difficult to do in an environment that supports who you were. Staying in the same place with the same people when you’re no longer the same person doesn’t feel right because you no longer fit. A change of view helps you create a new view of you and opens your mind to possibilities you can’t see in your current environment.
3. The power of “yes.” Flexibility creates opportunities while living your life guided by outdated rigid fear-based rules – often prefaced by the word “should” — only creates limits. You can say “no” at any moment you realize something new isn’t working. At least be willing to open a door to what could turn out to be something wonderful by saying “yes.”
4. The power of relationships to move you forward or keep you stuck. Bringing new people into your life who don’t see you the way you’ve always been and criticize you if you do anything other than what they consider appropriate, is essential. Just as important is defining what relationship means to you at this stage of your life. Not every relationship has to be a forever relationship. I believe that being open to saying “yes” to relationships in many forms enriches your life and opens doors to possibilities you never imagined.
My philosophy for many years had been to make decisions based on faith and not on fear. I begin to question if that was how I was living my life. #yourchangeguru
If not now, when?
Why am I doing this? Isn’t this financially irresponsible? After all, I’m not getting any younger.
It’s December 26, 2017 and I’m in the ER waiting for the doctor to tell me I can go home, take Tylenol, drink plenty of fluids and I’ll be fine. What I hear instead is “you could be dead in 3 days. You have liver failure, pneumonia, and there’s a spot on your lung that’s consistent with Lung Cancer.” Since my reaction to bad news is typically to argue against it, I looked at the doctor and said: “You must have my medical records mixed up with someone else’s. I’ve never had liver problems or smoked, and I’m sure I have the flu. Young doctor looked at me, shook his head and said, “we’re admitting you.”
It would be two months before the pneumonia cleared up enough for a scan to show that the spot on my lung was a granuloma and not Lung Cancer; and, for my liver numbers to get back to normal and confirm the problem with my liver was caused from taking too much Tylenol in too short a period from a combination of flu, cold, cough, and pain medicine. I now know too much Tylenol can kill you.
Two months is a long time to try your best not to imagine the worst. It’s also long enough to think about how you want to experience the future, if you have one.
I thought about choices I had made about how to live my life until that time in my life. My philosophy for many years had been to make decisions based on faith and not on fear. I begin to question if that was how I was living my life.
The moment I realized the ER doctor was talking about me and that I could be dead in 3 days, the thought that popped into my head was “I should have spent my money.” I had worked hard to save and make financially responsible choices because I was afraid of not having enough money to live on in my old, old, age. Now, I began to realize I might not have an old, old, age. “I could have taken a trip around the world with some of that money, I thought, now I never will.”
Fast forward 2 years into the future and here I am – cruising around the world for the next 4 months. Was the decision to do this a mistake? Will I run out of money in my old, old age? Maybe. All I know for sure is that while I’m living, I’m going to live. I will not let fear of what might happen keep me from exploring what could happen.
That’s how I want to experience life at this stage of my life, and that’s my answer to the question “why?”
What about you? How do you want to experience life at this stage of your life?
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